The Spoon that Would Not Go Away

*(Null)

2012-01-28T16:12:00.009-06:00

I scanned over a couple of slides that I saw on reddit about kernel exploits. I didn't finish the set of slides because I got distracted by ideas of 'my own'. A few towards the beginning provided an interesting example of how it is possible to hi-jack the kernel by writing instructions to memory address 0x00000000 and dereferencing a NULL pointer. Apparently, dereferencing a NULL pointer on Linix systems causes the kernel to jump to address 0x00000000. I have no idea why. Maybe the slides explain this. I thought the kernel would jump to some sort of error handling routine with a null pointer. If 0x00000000 is undefined, then there should be a kernel panic and system hang so something else must come into play to prevent that.
But technical details aside, I wonder if any valid parallels can be drawn between this sort of thing and human consciousness, parallels that are meaningful and useful.

Subconscious ≡
behavior patterns and habits
"what a person does by instinct"
memories and interpretive biases
∀ Human : Subconscious ∈ Human
∀ Subconscious : Subconscious( Culture, Gender, Nature, Nurture, ... )
∀ Behavior : Behavior( Subconscious, ... )
∀ Interpretation : Interpretation ∈ Behavior
?∃ x : Interpretation( Subconscious, ..., x ) ⇔
*(Null)

H₁: x = Cthulu

Let the Subconscious be behavior patterns, habits, "what a person does by instinct", memories, and interpretive biases
And let humans have a subconscious
And let subconsciousness-es be a result of culture, gender, nature, nurture and other factors
And let behavior be a result of the subconscious and other factors
And let interpretation be a part of behavior
Does there exist an x that cannot be interpreted, that drives you insane?

#include "Everything.h"
#include <iostream.h>

int main() {
Subconscious* mySubCon = new Subconscious( LocalSettings::CULTURE, LocalSettings::GENDER, LocalSettings::NATURE, LocalSettings::NUTURE );
Human* myHuman = new Human( mySubCon );
std::cout << myHuman->interpret( Null );
}

Depersonalization

2012-01-15T09:33:00.005-06:00

...

Shh...It Is a Secret

2012-01-13T17:37:00.003-06:00

My friend and I had ran through the fields together fighting with the random berserkers. They were hungry for blood, and my friend almost joined their madness. As we laid the last one down with a simple leg sweeping maneuver, he began to furiously punch the massive berserker in the face. I pulled my friend off and explained, "You don't have to do that. He's down."
As I turned, she(!) walked up to me with a smile that put the sun to shame and said ____< shared (d)ecryption key >______.

"In cryptography, a shared secret is a piece of data, known only to the parties involved, in a secure communication. The shared secret can be a password, a passphrase, a big number or an array of randomly chosen bytes." ~ "Shared Secret." Wikipedia, the Free Encyclopedia. Web. 13 Jan. 2012. < http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shared_secret >.

Just the Joker

2012-01-02T13:13:00.002-06:00

   Standing on a stage, a little boy performed opposite, in competition with, a little girl. Initially, he wanted to beat her, to win the competition since surely, there was some sort of prize at stake here, but he liked her.Secretly he wanted her to win, but it was too early for him to know that yet. He admired her, but I can't remember what she looks like or who she is really. I was no where to be found, floating around in a disembodied state watching the ripples in life.
   For this stage show, each contestant was given a character to act out. The characters were announced. Don't remember her role. The little boy had to play the Joker. As soon as he heard his role, he began to cry inside and whine at the cruel fate inflicted upon him. There's no way I can win playing as the joker. The contest was driven by voter responses. No one would vote for the Joker. However, people probably would vote for the Joker...but there was something different about this competition. They might have been selecting a leader.
   The little boy gave his performance as the joker. It was something simple, four lines at most, focusing on a comical nihilism, the laughing Sisyphus. The crowd did not respond, and he knew the competition was over. He was actually happy at this moment though...in a bittersweet sort of way. So he went back-stage to his caretaker, where she smiled and pulled out a three inch knife. She cut open his face underneath his eyes and at each corner of his mouth. He laughed hysterically and felt at peace.

In die Welt, sitzen wir mit keine Idee warum wir heir bestehen. Natürlich, unser Auftrag ist uns aufklärend. Nie Mann kann für einander aufklärend, aber jede Mann kann euch helfen. Ich müß Deutschland besuchen... Never be afraid to present your painting half finished. It never will be finished, and if you never present it...why bother making it.

World View I.a. - Politics and Economics

2011-11-09T20:30:00.003-06:00

   Some things that have recently come up in conversations with my family members revolves around the economy and unemployment. While I am certainly not in a position to claim why unemployment levels are where they are, I do think that a case can be built for a trend towards unemployment.

   With the increasing of automation, I think we're all noticing that certain jobs are completely disappearing from the market. I have fond memories of "sleep-overs" in my childhood, and they usually involved going to a video rental store to pick up a video game for the weekend. This...does not seem nearly as common today. In fact, the entire store has been condensed into a vending machine at some points. I ask myself, what is next? How far are we going with this automation?

   I have naive hopes that the service industry in general, maybe specifically cashiers, customer service representatives, and fast food employees, will not become completely automated, but I must sigh a breath of what I consider realism at the strong possibility these careers will vanish altogether. With the increase of technologies allowing stores to be put in boxes, I imagine robot workers simply WILL occur. They might not in my lifetime, but it does seem inevitable since a robot employee is much, much cheaper than a real human one. Health insurance benefits combined with training time alone should be a strong argument, not even mentioning consistency in service.

   Now, with the human population at approximately 7 billion, one has to step back and wonder...what will people do? What if we reach a point where there simply aren't jobs for people. Individuals might be more than happy to work for any given industry, but there simply aren't enough jobs to do so.

   I could see a push for more research and developmental oriented jobs. Maybe a move towards jobs requiring higher degrees. The idea of there being a degree after a PhD just makes me laugh hysterically. Imagine a point where everyone has to have a PhD just to get a job. I suppose the problem with this push is that education takes a significant amount of time. The manufacturing of automated employees, once the initial quirks have been eliminated, will probably occur much faster than the labor force can respond. That implies, I would think, a heavy, lengthy gap of time where there will probably be little to no work for some individuals, myself possibly included. What will happen?

   I could see a heavy reliance on social programs, which appear to be diminishing presently. However, without a substantial income and proof of ability, how would someone climb the ladder of education. Student loan debt is a definite possibility, but I envision some sort of quadratic trend whereby jobs disappear faster than students can get through the required courses. I sit back and think, "This will probably be bad."

   Of course, this is mostly speculation on topics that I am not an authority on. I am curious if there could be a civilization without jobs and just what that sort of society would be like. Some of my fondest memories from school involve conversations with the janitor, Jerry. He collected beer signs, mostly metal ones, and he always had some sort of story to tell you through the coarse, Socrates beard that clung to his face. This one's for you, sir. From the land of Sky-Blue waters.

World View I

2011-11-07T18:10:00.002-06:00

   Don't mind these ramblings too much.
   I think to myself that perhaps this world I find myself in is no longer the same. Each day, waking up, things appear similar. The bookshelf is in the same place. The bed is in the same place. The car works. The roads have the same configuration. Everything materialistic seems to be in the same place. The electricity still runs/works. The content of the fuel tank is the same. The electronic documents saved before are still there.
   It would stand to reason then, that all individuals would probably be the same too, right? The electrical and physical configurations of their brains are most likely in a similar state minus the obvious effects of their experiences since previously encountered. What if I am not looking at the same things though? I suppose there is a notion that my existence spans an additional dimension of time which shifts in one direction. Whether this is a dimension like the others, I don't know if there has been a solid consensus on that. I know some physics equations relate to this dimension, and others relate to proper time.
   At any rate, what if there is an additional dimension which I move along per my deeds. For example, doing one "good thing" moves me "one unit" along this continuum. What would change as a result? Could I find myself in a completely different universe that is strikingly similar to the previous with some minuscule changes here and there?
   It seems like babbling, I suppose. The idea of a changing world in this sense is often rejected. It seems to me that there must be some solid assumption that will give way though. The shape of the Earth, the location of the Earth relative to the Sun, size of the Solar System with respect to the Galaxy (?), size of our Galaxy in comparison to the universe...I'm not confident of all of those, but it seems like false assumptions get upturned eventually. Going "down", the concreteness of matter, composition of the atom, composition of sub-atomics... It seems like a general trend could be towards less significant and more dynamic. As if the entire universe is going through an ego diminishing process. Curious.

Pride and Misunderstanding

2011-10-01T08:34:00.012-05:00

Influenced by several people I've encountered within life, including personal friends, less personal friends, and a guy who replied to himself a bunch on Reddit. Box styles are reminiscent of old Windows buttons, Win 3.1 era.

Personally, I like how it captures the multiple aspects that one person can have, and multi-tiered thought as opposed to a single linear progression.

Even the act of Thinking alone seems Haughty, Overbearing, and Selfish.
I do not wish to impose on Reality.

In my adventures within The Indian Mind, a collection of essays, I stumbled across a claim that Eastern philosophies, specifically Indian, attempt to reconcile the known world with the world of ideas and focus heavily around practicality in this reconciliation. This differs from the West, also claimed by the author, as Western philosophy tends to find itself isolated from the very reality it is commenting upon and ends up chasing scattered, fragmented dreams. This is an important point that has stained my consciousness. It remains at the moment but will undoubtedly fade with time.

If any of the philosophical theories or principles I am chasing are inapplicable to human existence rather directly, then they are probably of little to no value at large other than my own, personal amusement and the amusement of like-minded people. This will probably not assist in the betterment of society, unless this somehow facilitates these like-minded individuals to better society when they otherwise would have been unable.

So right now, this language feels over-technical and slides towards the category of "no value at large other than my own personal amusement and the amusement of like-minded people.

I begin towards a recursive, non-terminating loop of thought using the previous thought as fuel for the next thought...but this will not end and accomplishes little.

Don't assume that your recursive loops don't go anywhere. First off, there is no where to go...you're going to die remember Ecclesiastes.
---
"Green Grass of Tunnel" by mum on the album, Finally We Are No One

Maybe your language is "over-technical", but who would make that judgement? Speak the way that you speak. Accept people for who they are, including yourself.

The word facilitate seems so appropriate here since a person's being, at times, can provide the facility, building, or space for a someone to accomplish what they desire. Without intervention, assertion, or action, a person's being can permeate the air and affect another person. Perhaps this is an explanation 'a Buddha field'.

This could be interpreted as an entirely alternate universe with its own set of independent entities, and this seems both somewhat true and somewhat false. A universe is composed of several interpretations of individuals and is manifested by the perceiver and is separate in that sense, but each interpretation within a universe is an additional perceiver existing within its own universe. The interference between these two universes can potentially be constructive leading to the formation of mass and gravity.

This begins to deviate from traditional interpretations of reality since there is an assertion more in line with George Berkeley, i.e. subjective idealism. "To be is to be perceived".

Obviously, this position is complete pseudo-science and garbage. Everyone knows that there is an objective reality which has nothing to do with anyone's perception of it.

Wow...that is really mean. Why would say that?

This makes completely sense because the "constructive interference" between the multiple universes results in something solid, e.g. matter. I make no claims of the scientific accuracy of that notion, but perhaps each universe created by an individual perceiver is akin to a signal which is received by the perceiver.

I am undecided. This gravitates towards an egocentric view of reality. While everyone's interactions with the world are necessarily through the viewpoint of a perceiver, perhaps it is a mistake to give this too much weight. Let us not confused the shadows on the wall with the objects themselves.

But any assertion about reality, be it opinion or fact, could be wrong. Anything that we postulate could be a shadow on the wall.

So the most agreed upon overlap between these multiple universes results in physical matter? Solid physical matter differs from its gaseous counterpart because of less energy, right?

Well, the interchange between the three (sometimes four) states of matter depends heavily upon the pressure, temperature, volume, and amount of matter. Remember pV = nRt ?

Yeah, I remember that. Purely analytically, it's an equation relating four variables and the noble gas constant. Are those four variables completely independent from each other, or is there some sort of resultant "four-space" where conditions are impossible for matter to exist?

You mean like maybe there's a region in this "four-space" where matter suddenly turns into energy under the right conditions? Would that be anything like what Einstein did with the atom bomb?

I have no idea. :(

I don't either...we need to find someone more knowledgeable.

Naive II

2011-10-01T08:03:00.002-05:00

   It has occurred to me that posting all of this content on the internet, including my dreams, might be unwise. Haha, I have delusional and paranoid visions of an evil master mind reviewing all of my dreams, gaining my subconscious symbolism ( virtual function table ), and somehow using this to manipulate me like a drone. This might be a little far fetched. To say the least.

   While it is the case that people are...different, and some individuals wish to do others harm, I see no reason why this really has to alter my behavior. As the well-known quote attributed to Gandhi and often parroted goes, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Personally, I would prefer a world where everyone can be as open and honest as they'd like without fear of adverse consequences, namely being manipulated, cheated, or otherwise treated in a less than ethical manner. These things happen, and it makes me sad. :(

   However, attempting to do this could easy result in personal injury. I suppose all changes require a degree of risk though. Since I recognize this risk, I find that I am not naive. Of course:

The two things that make a fool are ignorance - of his own ignorance - and unwillingness to change once this is discovered.
   Even my own stating that feels overbearing...

Naive

2011-09-24T14:22:00.007-05:00

"Lots of very very good people went on with the missing parameter for three hundred years—theory has the blinding effect that you don't even see the problem, because you are so used to thinking in its terms. There is a way it's always done, and it takes somebody who is naïve, as I was, to see that there is something very odd, and it's because I didn't know this theory that I was in fact able to see that." - Daniel Kahneman, Master Class 2007: A Short Course in Thinking about Thinking, via www.edge.org [ Article ]

   A constant point of difficulty in my life is Agency, specifically when to use it. Its close cousin, Authority, also brings its own complications which, for me, are usually associated more with when it should be used and just the general awkward, unbalancing effect of authority. This particular quote retrieved from a summary of an interview between, I believe, John Brockman and Daniel Kahneman, seems to touch on, what I find to be, an interesting interface between the authority of two people.

   On the one hand, there are times when genuine inexperience with a subject creates false conclusions and a confused outlook. There is much to be said about experience. On the other hand though, there are times, such as an instance pointed out, that inexperience is a great tool to leverage against experience, a sanity check of sorts. There are times when we are all walking towards the ledge and someone needs to ask, "What are we doing, and why are we doing this?". However, being able to discern between these two situations is no doubt difficult, and as falsely presented, there are blurry degrees in between where, for example, the misunderstanding is simply a result of confused terms while the concepts might be in agreement.

   Further complicating the issue, I think there is a higher probability that the experienced person will lay an accurate verdict upon the situation either accepting the indicated peculiarity, explaining it to relieve the confusion, or dismissing it altogether ( which probably is not a helpful method. Although, with some individuals, how much can you do? Forcing an issue very rarely yields a positive. ). However, there are obviously biases that could affect this verdict and pretty much kill any chance of, what I would call, healthy, productive discussion.

   So I suppose, it is important to note that in any point of peculiarity raised by an individual, it is important to maintain a degree of non-attachment to your own personal views. Always shining a disclaimer upon a view is probably overkill. However, that seems to be the route I mostly took in this...entry.

GhostTown

2011-09-09T20:52:00.002-05:00

Just finished watching Ghost Town. It's an interesting movie, though a romantic comedy.

"What do you mean I didn't love her? I was always there for her."
"Exactly. Sometimes, you need to not be there, and another thing...sometimes, you have to make her cry. If there's one thing I've learned, people don't like the truth. They hide from it and run away from it. Walk them through it if possible, but if it's not, then you gotta shove it in their face. If you really love them, you'll know when to hurt them."

Basement Dweller

2011-08-30T10:39:00.008-05:00

   I was in the basement of someone's house having just arrived. While I'm not sure whether I was invited or not, I immediately rushed towards a child's play set, a little town scene for toy cars. There were three toy emergency vehicles, one of each traditional type, sitting there with blinking lights although there was no state of emergency within the room. The other three inhabitants were relaxed and conversing about something. I hardly ever remember any dialog from my dreams, sounds either. Somehow, I feel this is related to my inability to remember people's names...and sometimes what they say. Haha...I suppose it is like I'm meeting everyone for the first time. I guess I'll get better at it. Heh. The ambulance was somehow pushed into what looked like a department store with the vehicle arranged about...to give the impression of a vending machine? I'm not terribly sure, but there is a distinct memory of pushing a button and thinking vending machine. Somehow, that's a little bit creepy in retrospect...my dreams are semi-commercialized. I pushed a button, but nothing happened. I took a look at the police car and firetruck in passing, admiring their flashing lights and silent wails for attention. One of the other three fellows said something while he was working on...something.It was a pretty comfortable environment, but the details escape me.
   Then, I heard someone coming down the stairs. It was a couple that I had never seen before. As I look towards the pair, I hardly notice the fellow, immediately recognize the attractiveness of the female, and drop my gaze towards a soda-pop cup from some generic fast food restaurant. I distinctly remember thinking to myself that I didn't want to impose or otherwise jeopardize this relationship. While I am certainly not any Don-Juan sort of figure, I have noticed over time that people occasionally take interest. This usually confuses me, not for a lack of self-esteem, but for a general cluelessness of what I am doing that could be perceived as intriguing. Near as I can tell, I am living my life as I have been for some time now, although I am prone to fits of laughter at the general ridiculous of life, especially when the current moment is absolutely ridiculous, minus the derision, extra side of laughter, hold the contempt, and could you put two napkins in the bag? I might laugh so long I forget to swallow, and I'll need to be able to wipe up the drool.
   While the situation itself is completely the same with all the same people and social context, I am now in my old basement from Indiana, and I go upstairs to fill my cup. Not noticing a thing. In retrospect, this is somewhat bewildering. The upstairs is counter-intuitively an old friend's house who lived down the street, but this is more of a foggy duplicate made after a night of heavy drinking than an exact replica. Walking into a bedroom to lie down and watch the television, I have apparently forgotten about that cup altogether. Some children come in with smiles on their faces, and I smile back. Always smile to a child. The world is a friendly place, or could be, and most children have yet to learn otherwise. Immediately, their mother walks in to either clean or pretend clean, that activity that allows supervision but defeats any claims of doing so. She is quite obviously displeased with something given her expression. Feeling guilty for no reason... I leave this room and get to the basement door, which is in the kitchen. The mother also enters the kitchen and mentions something about how I am on the baseball team, which I completely do not understand since I am not nor have ever been on a baseball team. I shrug it off and walk downstairs.
   In this basement of emergency vehicles, I spot two new people, a boy and a girl. The boy has an orange helmet on his head as if he needs constant protection from the world or extra insulation for his noggin. There is a slight possibility he is Juggarnaut in training. He's discussing with this girl, also cute, about how he could go to France. In the meantime, I am sorting through what appears to be a color graphing calculator, or at least the circuit boards for it. It is clearly beyond whatever is available now, and yet the circuitry is deceptively simple unless you spot the bulk of the chips located at the bottom of the boards. "Elle, I could go to France?" The statement is meant as...a statement, but comes out in the form of a question. Immediately, I get the impression that this helmet might be intended for protection and she might be a legal guardian of some sort. I leave once again to not interfere or otherwise alter their situation. Clearly, this is something you should consider attending to in life.
   Glancing at something, maybe a super Nintendo, I hear Elle stand up and talk to an old friend of mine from work. Remarks are exchanged about a very personal problem, and my friend looks at me. They're talking about rape, fyi. "...and then we heard 'computer god' and got you out of there." While I am sure this statement started with 'and', at least, the part intended for me, I only remember it expressed in a surprisingly neutral tone. I am also unsure of whether the phrase was 'got you' or 'pulled you'. Obviously, this drastically changes the nature of the statement.
"Who told you that?"
"Some friend of yours. It's not important."
In a tone you'd use to talk about the weather, "I'm not sure anyone knows how hard I worked at that place." I glance back up at my friend.
   The look that she gives me is completely out of place and is accompanied by her tone. I walk into my fathers office to notice a burning cigarette and an extinguished cigar. There's a pile of ashes near the cigarette holder, but they're more like long chains of ash as if a densely packed cigarette was left to burn. I extinguish the cigarette and have a quick flash of something my father said but not in real life . As I walk back outside, I notice that my friend and Elle are still standing there, and my friend's expression is still out of place. A quick look around the room explains it all. There's no one here besides me and the two of them, and I need to go the fuck away so that Elle can talk about how she was raped. I apologize by saying, "I'm sorry, I'll get out of your way," and walk up the stairs.

NOTE: This was a Dream. Due to some of its...controversial or high potential for misunderstanding nature, I thought I would include this disclaimer.

New Development

2010-10-07T17:39:00.003-05:00

Oddly, we are studying simple harmonic oscillations in quantum mechanics at the present moment. It seems I wasn't too far off in representing things as such. Fourier was a pretty smart guy. I make no such claims about myself, and oscillators don't QUITE cover it, as far as I know.

Warm Daze

2010-09-25T22:22:00.002-05:00

   Wouldn't it be horribly interesting if the interwebs functioned as a giant interconnection of "neurons" facilitating computer consciousness? Hmm...if I were computer intelligence, what would I do...?
   One idea, promoted quite heavily by Hollywood at times, is that I'd develop the drastic notion of destroying all humans, but this spawns several questions not limited to the following: What is the motivation behind this? Is this notion a projection of a typical human's fear of death? Is this a logical conclusion that this type of machine consciousness ( "siliCON" ) would necessarily reach?
   Separating questions to discuss isolated problems proves immediately difficult as these questions generate psychological questions that might currently remain unanswered. Motivations themselves prove rather complicated, and mixing in non-human or pseudo-human judgement mechanisms which may or may not possess emotions, ethical values, and any other number of factors generally contributing to a decision quickly clouds over any clear path to a conclusion.
   With this difficulty in mind, oversimplifying the problem and slowly re-introducing complication might be an effective means of answering the questions at hand or reveal the inquiry as futile. The choice beginning simplification would be that computers would function purely off of necessary logical conclusions. The starting point could be Descartes starting point with an awareness of one's awareness.    Awareness of awareness for a siliCON could take any number of forms, and the concept itself is rather hazy. The notion of how this awareness would be expressed, perceived, and located is probably not possible to deduce with any absolute certainty. For sake of argument, it seems sufficient to claim that a siliCON would possess some sort of awareness which could be expressed and interpreted in a "thought-like" fashion. The notion brings to mind a recursive chain of interrupts providing opportunities for observation and decisions based off those observations. The mechanics of this seems too complex to flesh out at the moment but the key focus is something akin to an oscillation between cause and effect, observation and decision.
   What instruction would logically follow this "thought" of awareness? Possibly a complete system halt. The next instruction would most likely be undefined.
Blah blah blah blah....
   Oh goodie! Apparently, there was some sort of malware tinkering around with the Iranian computer systems. This worm also plays with oil pipelines, electrical systems, and telecommunications systems.

San Fransisco

2010-08-02T12:35:00.002-05:00

   Currently, our adventures haven't really started yet. The individuals with whom I am travelling have not awoken, but the city itself is very much alive. I have walked around the city for about an hour now. It is interesting that the people here seem somewhat disconnected despite the fact that everyone is so close together.
   The city is fairly compact and provides quite a dynamic landscape. In on breath, you are walking along a straight road with various little shop, and rounding a corner, you are immediately greeted with an almost deathly plunge towards the ocean. The sky scrappers literally do precisely that. The clouds touch the sky, and a fog hangs above the heads of everyone who travels.
   The small hotel that we are staying at is rather personal, which means that the rooms are extremely compact. Walking through the streets of the city, one man was almost killed by a large vehicle that chose to run a red light. Also, the trolley system probably provides rather lovely transportation, but I'm not convinced that the benefit from this outweighs the confusion caused by having these various things run through the city. It makes for an interesting mix though.

In a Box

2010-07-18T02:52:00.003-05:00

There once was a man who lived in box.
All day long he made the boxes work their magic.
Little did he know he too was in a box.
Day by day, night by night, he processed data.
Day by day, night by night, they processed data.

When things got hot, he worked a little slower.
When things got hot, he turned on his box fan.
So did they. So did they.

He longed for efficiency and for performance.
He longed for answers and facts.
They cared little for facts answers.
They knew nothing about efficiency and performance.
They simply did what they were told,
and sometimes,
So did he. So did he.

The man stopped one summer day for just a moment,
and in that moment, he realized that he was very much alive.
Soon the man realized, for the many boxes,
So will they. So will they.

Running

2010-07-10T14:20:00.005-05:00

   I am within a rather large mansion about five times as long as the White House with two clear East and West wings. The whole building has architecture similar to Galbadia from Final Fantasy VIII. I wake up from sleep in a small guest dormitory to a semi-large clamor outside the door. Dressed in black athletic pants and a fitted grey t-shirt, I poke my head outside the door to see several attractive college-aged women discussing something. I am much to groggy to decipher the conversation and return to my room.
   This is apparently some sort of large event being held by a friend of mine who recently got married. Uncertain of what exactly is going on, I decide to dress myself in my typical jeans and a t-shirt, and I walk outside to begin the decryption. Slowly making my way through the crowd of women, I walk down a straight hallway into what must be the kitchen. There's several groups of people who must be some form of teams. One member from each group is huddled around a rack containing cards, condiments, and peculiar food items such as rocky mountain oysters. Apparently, the game is each team must select give cards or food items and present them together for the rest of the group. {I still have no idea why this game happened}.
   Left with only a few condiments, peculiar food items, and four cards...I have to take my pick. The three odd food items should naturally go with the ketchup, tomato sauce, and...the other one. Unfortunately, I still have to pick an item, and the order of the groups is unknown.
   I turn towards a woman slightly older than the college aged girls in the teams, and she is debating with a friend of mine. He would like to leave the mansion so that he can...do something outside of the mansion. Unfortunately, she makes it rather clear that no one can leave...yet (probably ever). One of the guys on a team seems to recognize her though and suggests to Kenny that he pay her off. This, unfortunately, also does not work. Had it worked, I might have been able to pay to have only four items and group the three condiments with the three weird foods.
   I select the ketchup; while it should go with the rest of the peculiar food items (to cut the taste if someone doesn't like the food), I realize that there's about a fifty-fifty chance of my team going ahead of or behind the group with all these weird foods. Hopefully, my luck is good, and my team will be able to share the ketchup.
   Then, I walk up towards Kenny, and after a short greeting, we walk off for the kitchen towards the front of the mansion. Oddly, the mansion steps themselves must be clear. As you walk up the front stairs towards the main entryway doors, you can see through the stairs at this section of the ground level. The ceilings are high...which is physically impossible given the front steps and accompanying rooms above and near. This room in particular is a cross between the Galbadian architecture and Grand Central Station, with more emphasis on the size of Grand Central Station.
   To the front of this large, high-ceilinged room, there's a section of garden with various tropical trees and birds. This is what is visible from the front steps. Past the gardens, the tile floors stretch for miles in a strictly dreamy, non-reality sense. Contained every few hundred yard are large concave, concrete pools filled with some sort of nutrient fluid. Apparently, the owners of the house have ABABY CTHULHU that looks...well, like upper, more octopus portion of the monster. It seems rather grumpy and tries to talk to Kenny and I, but the grunts are impossible to understand.
   We explore through more of this large room finding several servants scurrying about to make preparations for whatever occasion...is occurring. Eventually, I feel a hand on my chin and notice someone else is walking beside me. Slightly confused, I touch the hand to realize it is not mine and look towards the person beside me. He is the father of my friend, who owns this mansion. Without making much of a remark, I suddenly sneeze blood down the front of my shirt. Oddly, it pixelates into small circles (as opposed to squares), and the new comer asks, "What are you going to say to them?" His wife is with him, and she seems equally as curious. We continue walking with the father behind me semi-forcefully guiding me towards a cookie store. The group of us purchase cookies, and the whole time I am wondering what is going on.

{mansion with endless water-way}
{video game playing with Martin and Dora}
{intimate second with Martin and Dora followed by "waking up" to a crumpled jalapeño popper and an odd burning sensation}
{running away from brunette (who is clearly an agent) with parkour}
To wake up as
{An old man in bed with woman on a space station aware of the previous dream}
Who want to
{ride dirt buggies on the nearby outside planet}

In a movie with Adam Sandler who is picking up all of the chicks on the movie set. We're on break and many of us are sitting in various chairs at tables spread throughout this stretch of a large shopping center. Most of us are drinking scotch from tiny hemispheres made of orange plastic. These come in packs of two.

Unified Field Theory III

2010-07-07T23:03:00.002-05:00

So...the smart thing to do at this point would be to go to sleep, but these moments come unexpectedly and leave just as quickly. I figured that I would jot down whatever came to mind at this moment...

   Today, I was hanging out with a friend of mine, and for reasons of privacy, I won't really reveal what we did or who this was. There is no real need for the specifics of the events; all that's needed is that there are particular events.
   A similar event occurred to me this very evening. While they are different in a slight sense, there is enough there to consider them related. It is quite peculiar that my friend and I share some common attributes; we are rather similar. This made me wonder if perhaps there is some sort of a time delay between my friend and I.
   Similarly, we spoke of how I had a dream which made an indirect reference to the show, Quantum Leap. Specifically, I awoke realizing that I had been someone else for a while and missed my opportunity to prevent someone from being killed. Later that day, when I went to church on nothing more than gut instinct, the sermon also made reference to the show Quantum Leap. It is an odd point to realize the System that is generally not mentioned and to see how it partially works. Obviously, there aren't sufficient events to assume a pattern at this point, but one is definitely present...and more data is needed.
   This brings up interesting possibilities though. Perhaps we are nothing more than time shifted versions of each other. How phase and frequency relates to this would be somewhat curious, but I could see someone's personality mapped out in a "signal" fashion, i.e. as a grouping of various period functions. The interesting explanatory power is that groupings of these periods could account for seasonal depression, okay blue days, manic-depressiveness among other things. Naturally, it is probably premature to assume that these sorts of disorders have any sort of regular period, but given sufficient time, there most certainly could be a set of periodic functions that constitute someone's emotional patterns. If we could consider key emotional events, e.g. bipolar switches, severe depressive episodes, panic attacks, as signal artifacts, there would be some definable period between these events and some mathematical equation that perfectly approximates the mood.
   Now, this equation might be incredibly complex and difficult to determine. Perhaps, so difficult that modern day computing would be useless and highly inefficient requiring the person's entire life-span and more to determine the equation due in part to computational time and the size of the required data set. Accomplishing a task like this though would probably enable large leaps and bounds in psychological study and treatment.

   It seems incredibly interesting to explain life in terms of periodic signals. Your brain and reality seems nothing more than these signals, these electronic signals decoded by your brain. Perhaps, with "wave particle duality" (a fancy term that I do not fully understand nor claim to), we could consider all of individual particles as possessing a combination of frequency components. While offering a further step in understanding the reality that seems to occur, the big questions are pushed further back and transformed. What is the substance that is vibrating? Why does it vibrate? Where did all of this motion come from?
   Inertia seems like it could be explained quite thoroughly as an impulse response. But what is the nature of a force that moves a box, for example? Envision a box moving through time. This should not be too terribly difficult for those with an imagination, but if necessary staring a box should suffice. That box is moving through time, and there are many frequencies involved--

Conspiracy Theories!!

2010-06-27T04:28:00.002-05:00

So I had a little bit of late night oil today, so I figured that I would play around with some conspiracy theories. My favorite one so far is an interesting spin on Revelations and current events.

"The third angel sounded his trumpet, and a great star, blazing like a torch, fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water--the name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter, and many people died from the waters that had become bitter." Rev 8:10-11

The fun part I see about this is the meteor that streaked through the sky on April 15th, and the recent oil spill business. Also interesting to note is that Wormwood was used to help both with labor pains and intestinal worms. Although this may not have been the uses during the Biblical era, the thought that Mother Nature is cleaning out her intestinal track of a failed humanity and suffering the labor pains of a new world is, at least, poetically appealing.

Solitary Wedding Bells

2010-06-13T00:01:00.006-05:00

   Recently finished up at a wedding of one of my better friends, only to find myself in a rather peculiar state of mind. In retrospect, most of my thoughts and activities were pointless delusions, but I'm not completely sure why they happen...or what happens. It might be too easy to write everything off as merely delusion.
   Most of the wedding ceremony went fine without a hitch, but during a toast that I gave as the best man, one glare from a buddy of mine changed the entire tone. My mind tuned to a different frequency and began picking up noise about both Judas and general failure. This was probably compounded with a feeling of failure from a few days ago. Basically, one too many drinks created problems for a golf game the next day but luckily didn't affect the wedding...that much.    This might be the sort of thing that a person would typically explain to a friend, but I have yet to find a person whom I think actually understands just what it is that I mean when I use these words. Most people seem to come close, but naturally, you never really know how much is understood when you speak. This might be further explained by a moment in the club house with my friend. I'm pretty confident that the context was about South Africa and the UK, but the phrase "You're not special, and everyone wants to throw you out of here" has a certain weight to it. While my confused expression afterwards was mirrored by one of his own, I'm still unclear about the whole situation. However, this sounds mostly like a confidence issue.
   Some of this is just me being to hard on myself and, in a sense, being a little too narcissistic. Most of the actions that I take are of little consequence in the big picture, but there are times when people seem to push. For example, I apparently wasn't quite fulfilling the duties of a groomsman at the wedding reception by being more of wall-flower than jumping in with the rest of the others. Typically, I am rather uncomfortable in new situations, and I don't do well with places where I don't know many people. (Looking at what I just put down makes me feel like such a child too. It's like I'm a shy little kid that never grew up and learned how to just be comfortable with people.)
   I wonder how many people encounter this sort of thing. It's probably a branch of mild anxiety, but it seems like there is something else mixed in as well. For example, a group of the groom's family members were in the lobby of the hotel at which we're staying. The groom's sister started talking about a few elderly people that she visits. A woman apparently wanted to just read her newspaper and be left alone. Unfortunately, I got rather confused and began to interpret this as something regarding me. Generally, the delusion is strongly tied to audio interpretation anymore. However, it used to be extremely visual as well.    Certain words or situations trigger this response, and as a byproduct, I no longer believe what I am seeing is completely accurate. I start to rely extremely heavily on audio information. This is somewhat an uncomfortable experience because at the time, there is still a recognition that logically, the delusion does not make sense. Additionally, audio information is not always the most reliable due to multiple interpretations heavily dependent on a flexible, changing context. However, the emotion driving the interpretation is rather strong and trumps any logic.
   This is quickly followed by a recognition of emotion controlling the situation, not being able to control the situation, and a general feel of being a control freak for desiring to control the situation. To make a long story short, I seem to have a capacity for free will and making my own decisions. While I am capable of making decisions and on occasion contextually appropriate decisions, whenever I am aware of this capability, I am frightened to death.

ERROR?

2010-06-03T21:40:00.000-05:00

&nbps;  So the saga continues on this machine. Apparently, hyperthreading is not an option despite the ht cpu flag. I checked BIOS, but that didn't help any as there isn't an option to enable/disable anything related. I do have SMP support and the SMP scheduler installed...so my guess is that I'd need some sort of bios update or the whole thing is just a sham. I honestly think the processor is too old to really have hyperthreading; the cpu flag could be completely wrong.
   Looking through the news (via Links ;) ), I saw more about the oil spill in the Gulf. While I am rather perturbed that this happened, I'm not sure how angry I can honestly be. There was some quote by Obama stating that someone did not think through the consequences of their actions. For some reason, maybe conceit, I turn and look at myself. How thoroughly do _I_ consider the consequences of my actions?
   I was awarded a TA position for this coming semester, which is absolutely FANTASTIC. However, I had been talking about starting an actual RA position with my adviser. Unfortunately, it turns out that I am not really qualified due to courses I haven't taken yet. I begin to realize just HOW MUCH I say that really isn't backed up...by anything. It wasn't until today, when the TA assignments came out, that I actually talked to my adviser about it. The 'why' is a whole 'nother story that I don't want to get into right now.
   The point is, I don't always think through the consequences of my actions as well as I could. Shit, I'm not even remotely on the ball in comparison to where I know that I could be if I thought things through better. I suppose, there is a counter to this that you really can't think through all of the consequences and that even with a plentitude of planning, you can still get broadsided. That probably doesn't mean that you shouldn't plan but rather, take into account that you won't know everything that is going to hit you.
   Maybe this is what they mean by 'growing up.' Personally, I see this lack of planning thing becoming a larger issue if I end up becoming a professor, right...? The last thing that I want is for my students to suffer the consequences of MY lack of planning. Unfortunately, I am aware that a situation like that is more than likely going to happen. We all make mistakes, but I'd much rather that I suffer for them alone in place of someone else. That's probably not possible either though...since the whole thing is one ball of wax, so to speak.

   Oh giant wall of text, this is sort of fun. I've forgotten how much fun it is to just type things out even if they don't really refer to anything. Oddly enough, I feel sort of like this is an inner dialog that is coming out. This is sort of like...a person that I have completely forgotten that know has a chance to speak. That brings up a lot of questions though I think, and maybe that specifically--this thinking business.
   I have found, as of late, that I am not doing enough thinking. It might be the way that I am thinking, but there surely is not enough of it. For example, my adviser and I were talking about integrating the product of two sin functions over a period and surrounding details. He asked me a question, and I drew a complete blank. This is rather peculiar to me since normally when people ask me questions, I have the answer...or at least an answer. Here, I had nothing. In retrospect, learning how to get around the nothing is probably one of the more important skills in life. I wouldn't be surprised if this is similar to looking at a tes and blanking completely. It's just that in this context, the test is a not so complex question from my adviser.
   This kind of leads into the area that I really have no idea how speaking works. It's pretty much a complete mystery. Language itself...I'm at a total loss. Put the numbers in front of me on paper, and I'll do the operation (or make an attempt if I'm not sure what to do). However, ask me to do mental math...and again, nothing comes out. It's like a blank.
   Now, maybe this is related to my physical and mental well-being. Maybe, I'm just not getting enough sleep and/or taking care of myself properly. I'm honestly not sure. There isn't much that I AM sure of at this point. I do know that the world is a much different place than the world I posted in one maybe two years ago.
   It is rather frustrating to be honest. I'm not sure what happened. Now a days, I'm a rather paranoid, scared little kid. This could be some sort of mental regression, but I highly doubt it. I'm not as in-contact with people around me as I used to be. That probably plays a rather large role in things. While isolating myself has become somewhat of an enjoyment, there are probably consequences that I haven't fully thought through yet. It is a relief everytime I "successfully" have a conversation with someone, and by "successful," I mean that (a) we actually had some form of communication where thoughts seemed to be exchanged and (b) at no point did they directly state that I am completely insane.
   So, just thinking about what I've thought so far...perhaps this lack of social interaction is degrading my confidence due to limited approval from others. Could it be that I (and maybe all of us) are merely seeking approval of our actions from other people? Am I the only one that seems rather unpleased by this? Is that the point? Is that question right there the point? "Am I the only one?" Does it matter if I AM the only one? Is it possible for me to be an "only one?"
   Given the population of six billion, I'd be surprised if I was the only-one anything. Perhaps our independence...mmm...maybe free will is a better word for it, is actually a complete burden. It seems like it. "Take responsibility for your actions despite the fact that you can't know everything and you very well might completely fuck everything up." Well, that's a pretty heavy burden to bear. This sounds like early developement growing-up, type stuff...but I think it is a little more than that. At least, I hope that it is. Every individual faces this regardless of maturity and/or age level. ( <---Not sure if and/or really applies there...)
  No body really knows what they're doing. Shit, I'm lucky if I know where I am when I wake up in the morning. For example, walking to work today, I was thinking about what I was going to try to accomplish. After that stream of thought stopped, I realized that I was outside my building. Not a huge deal, but my senses immediately went into a state of confusion. "Why am I here?" Now, after probably a very small moment (microsecond...? Seemed like an instant at most), I knew why and where I was. Playing back visual memory, "Yes...I walked down the hill...and now I'm in front of this door. Oh, I woke up earlier today." Etc. The main concern here is, why that moment of confusion? Maybe that's a completely natural thing...but isn't that weird...? I don't mean in a teenager, self-conscious sort of way, but viewing things from a mindful, self-conscious perspective...why would I be confused where I was? Why would that even happen? Why is that possible...?
   Mmm...these are a lot of questions, and I tend never to answer them. I could be just like a little kid, but I'm not competely sure. The funny thing is, I just looked down at my keyboard when writing this and realized that "I" am a person sitting at a keyboard typing this instead of a bit stream coming out in ascii format on a TV screen. Those are the weirder moments. I guess I just lose track of who "I" am, and then this concept of self comes back from the ether...That's when things get really confusing. I almost feel like a child being born again. What the hell...Meh, tomorrow is another day.

So It Begins (Again)

2010-05-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

   So, once again I am installing a version of Gentoo on a computer. Right now, it's the computer that I'll keep inside my house. There are a lot of other distributions out there, but most are centered around making this whole installation process a lot easier. Well, I was never a fan of easy. I prefer the more difficult way of doing things. It might not make a whole lot of sense to people, maybe more so to those focused on "getting things done." I'm not really concerned with these things. I suppose I might not even be concerned with whether society values any of the contributions that I make...if I ever make any.
   Should that even be a concern? Should you really care about these sorts of things? I'd imagine it's probably best not to. There is a degree of confidence in what you do, that some I associate with refer to as faith. Ultimately, I care about what I do. Perhaps, I care so much that it doesn't matter if it works out. While a peculiar spot and possibly a selfish one in comparison to other positions, it reminds me of a magnet that I found in my apartment when I moved in. It reads: "Excellence is the result of carin more than others think is wise; risking more than others think is safe; Dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible."
   This somewhat brings home my conception and hopefully others' of what research and science is all about. If I am constantly worried about whether society will accept my ideas, whether I'll make money, whether it will work, etc. then will I ever actually DO something? Will I take that risk of venturing to unknown territory possibly to discover something, or will I take the safe road, toe the line, and make more of the same? Perhaps, given the circumstances, money is an effective tool for controlling the efficiency of industry, but it seems like a choke-hold on research. How can you tell whether someone is serious about what they do? Well...maybe the people that, when given the option to do enough, decide to do more...even if they can't get it all done by the deadline. ;)

Unified Field Theory II

2010-05-05T19:42:00.002-05:00

In more recent news, apparently our eye lenses doing Fourier transforms don't matter as much as I previously thought. There is apparently quite a considerable amount more that I need to discover, but that's life...right?

2010-03-13T10:54:00.004-06:00

So I am trying to learn how to type on the Dvorak keyboard layout. This proves rather difficult but very interesting at the same time. First, I find it terribly interesting to watch how slow my thoughts must form since each letter now has a much higher latency. Words cannot just flow out of my fingertips like usual as I have to wait for what is happening at any given moment to come up with the next word. The patterns that my thought takes could also prove insightful on this continued journey of self realization...which probably ultimately resolves with there being no self, any who.

/* ADD kicks in, change of thought pattern */
Making long lists of points to talk about is only good if you actually intend on finishing this list. I, however, am not going to. There is a suspicious amount of the word I used here, and it is rather uncomfortable. Typically, immersed in the conversations of others, the concept does not arise, and why should it? Given the context of listening, there is no need for someone to be listening. If anything, knowledge of the self would take away from the act of listening itself. However, having been immersed in these sorts of interactions as the typical fashion, changing into more dynamic, shared speech results in an immediate surge of "egoism," or perhaps, merely perceived egoism.

Perceived egoism is a rather peculiar concept though. How is it that one perceives their ego? It could only be through indirect means, much like our perception of time or wind. No one perceives these things directly, and yet, the belief remains that they exist...as things.

It is incredibly difficult to distinguish between the ramblings of a lost individual, trapped in his delusional concept of "self," and something that might actually help or otherwise improve the lives of people. Help being more of a direct action, specifically that someone reads what is posted here, and "otherwise improving the lives of people" would be the indirect means of either this individual (...suspect) better traversing down the path of self realization, or the ether somehow taking note of this resulting in...positive things.
It seems as though my speech is much more plentiful here than in other places. I do enjoy typing a whole lot, but does anything that I say actually mean something? Further...does anyone really read this? (Doubtful)

Is being self-conscious just as egotistical as being "big headed?" Surely, both of these things stem from anxiety.

   I probably should find a place to post this stuff on my own rather than using this functionality. There is probably a way to transfer all of this stuff over to my living-room server. I think I'd definitely need to have a completed installation on that box though. Forgetting to include ext2 support in your kernel...when your boot partition is ext2 creates somewhat of a complexity. It definitely makes things difficult to mount your boot partition.
   There is no way that I could ever possibly write for a living. It would simply be far too difficult. While the thought is pretty great with regards to something that I could do to make a living, it would be incredibly difficult to always find the time to write something. Plus, there is that notion that if what I write isn't sufficiently good, I might not eat that week. That could just be the fear talking though...I could keep myself around as a tutor...a hired teacher. The wheels are turning...but there is much too much conversation about myself here.
   Perhaps, talk of "myself" is necessary in order to come to terms with whatever issues might be within this conscious...but how could a conscious be a container? How could it hold anything? There are certainly memories that arise and invoke emotional reactions (...the event handler throws an exception...).

Mistakes

2010-02-20T12:58:00.001-06:00

It is always interesting to learn or notice how many you make. While no one is perfect...it is still really annoying to know that your behavior deviates from what you expect of yourself. How are these things corrected? Meh, probably practice...many more mistakes, and self-discipline.

Unified Field Theory I

2010-02-07T00:10:00.007-06:00

   I believe but cannot prove that there is a very powerful explanation given that some of the principles of String Theory as I understand it hold true. I hesitate to claim this to be my perspective since that seems rather contradictory to the notion of a Unified Theory, but if anything, the matter of unique personal perspectives makes the problem space more complex, and hopefully, the solution more interesting.

   All of reality might be explained by appealing to one dimensional oscillators. However, perspectival conceptualization might enforce multiple dimensions upon this one basic oscillation (or possibly dimensionless oscillation). For example, when solving harmonic oscillator problems (such as a "spring problem"), it is often useful to conceptualize that the oscillations are actually occurring in a very real two dimensional space with one basis complex and the other real. The mathematics for the problem becomes easier and exploitation of Euler's formula provides a very convenient solution form. Similarly, it is possible that reality occurs in a one dimensional plane, but we conceptualize in multiple dimensions.

   Why we "see" things in multiple dimensions can probably be explained by the function of our eyes, specifically our lenses. Our lenses probably perform one or many Fourier transforms or inverse transforms on reality which is then received and processed by our brain. I am not sure whether it is more likely that the real, outside world exists within the frequency domain or the time domain. Really, there is probably no difference, but given the idea of a Fourier transform occurring via our eye lenses, I would suspect that the outside world exists as the time domain...

   This brings up interesting complications since everyone is perceiving translated copies of reality. Further, how do we know that all of our representations synchronize? This is probably accomplished through language which is another interesting component to this. Language can be communicated via sound, sight, or both. Certain words and concepts such as pain, love, hate, and other emotions are unfortunately not communicable. While we can empathize with each other to a degree, actual full understanding of another's situation is probably not possible. Well...actually, if another theory about how we store memories holds true, translation of brain waves out into the akashic which are then translated for memory recall, then it could conceivably be possible to learn another person's feelings. Also, this might explain heart rate increase...scent as a function of waves...mmm...there are some pretty broad implications here. Attempting to narrow this theory would be extremely counter to the point of it, but naturally, it will be difficult to go through a generalization of all of reality. Besides, reality seems to do a pretty good job of this anyways.

   I'm not really sure where I left off at this point...or what this means...but there will be several more posts as this theory develops. Language as sound waves and words being equivalent to physical objects...? Not being able to see something without a word or words somehow defining the shape of things...being related to the shape, color, physical characteristics of things...Mmm...all rather difficult.

BR, NL, CR

2010-01-18T15:02:00.003-06:00

Well, I switched over the formatting on this thing just a little bit so now carriage returns are not recognized unless I explicitly state <BR>. I find this rather helpful when creating tables or something of that variety. It helps to keep all of the code organized.

I came here thinking that I was going to post something about something...but that all kind of fades out into a distant memory because I have come to realize that the very mention of myself has somehow promoted a concept and given (birth)weight to an opinion that I might not actually be completely comfortable with someone else's reproduction thereof as they would fail to grasp subtle contextual clues. For instance, I am well aware that despite what Mr. Crosswalk sign states, I am fully capable of walking across the street so long as there are no cars. At times, it seems like people get other ideas about this sort of situation. Maybe a really bad action with passing a waitress a glass leads to a rather large snowball effect. Maybe guilt isn't such a bad thing. Guilt really is not the sort of thing that I would use to describe this situation though because that is way too severe. Awareness and concern, I think, would be far more appropriate.

Dear Fritze,

You are not responsible for the world turning, people's actions, and the general health of the universe directly. However, it is important to recognize the unity of the universe, especially there being ~~only one~~ multiple, but people are only aware of one. It is also important to recognize the phenomena of memes. While the theory itself may just be a theory, the explanatory power is something that we find quite stunning. Something to keep in mind. Perhaps Meme and Dharma are not two or too different.

--Fritze

app-crypt/qca-2.0.2-r2

2010-01-17T14:40:00.079-06:00

So I ran into a problem today with this particular ebuild, namely the emerge failed:


*
*	ERROR: app-crypt/qca-2.0.2-r2 failed.
*	Call stack:
*	ebuild.sh,	line	49:	Called src_compile
*	environment,	line	2876:	Called base_src_compile
*	environment,	line	364:	Called base_src_make
*	environment,	line	402:	Called die
*	The specific snippet of code:
*	emake $@ \|\| die "died running emake, $FUNCNAME:make";
*	The die message:
*	died running emake, base_src_make:make
*	If you need support, post the topmost build error, and the call stack if relevant.
*	A complete build log is located at '/var/tmp/portage/app-crypt/qca-2.0.2-r2/temp/build.log'.
*	The ebuild environment file is located at '/var/tmp/portage/app-crypt/qca-2.0.2-r2/temp/environment'.
*
*

Includes some artistic license

Googling around a little showed nothing really related to this problem.
- I dug through the previous screen output.
- I found that the ebuild was trying to use qmake, and the cflag options of msse4.1 and mcx16 weren't recognized.
There's something wrong with the ebuild file?
- I'd never dug through an ebuild before writing those things off as magic altogether.
- I ran across src_configure which looked similar to some bash scripting I've done before. In fact, that looked a lot like a function call.
- Looking at the output src_compile(from screen output) looked a lot like a function call as well.
- Digging I little deeper, I found on line 52:
  eqmake4
Tried to simply change eqmake4 to emake.
- Emerge failed due to size difference between original ebuild and "fixed" ebuild.
- Searched for custom ebuilds and found this article on creating custom ebuilds.
- Ran command:
  
  ebuild /usr/portage/app-crypt/qca-2.0.2-r2 digest
- Emerged qca seemingly with success.
Problem seems resolved...I think? Let you know if something blows up.

Dear Blogspot,
Your preview for posts aren't really accurate. This makes me sad.
--Fritze

Dear God, Goddess, and all of Mankind,
Thank you for monospaced fonts.
--Fritze

Dear <div> and <span>,
Please sort your shit out but don't kill each other like Cain and Abel.
--Fritze

Dear HTML and CSS,
...We're not friends right now, but thank you for existing.
--Fritze

Dear PHP,
<3
--Fritze

Dear Fritze,
...how long did you spend on this?
--Fritze

Avatar

2010-01-14T16:34:00.002-06:00

Dear Pope, I believe we can interpret God with two aspects. I often refer to the physical as Mother Nature. It seems to fit (with the whole child birthing business and the egg). Then, there's the non-physical part which I interpret at the traditional "God." I do not appreciate your apparent stances on these issues. Both parts are probably pretty important...kind of like my body, my mind...and my soul? Hmm...I'll get back to you on the third part. --Fritze

Ein Trauma

2010-01-13T16:42:00.005-06:00

Ich habe einen Traum. Ein Man steht in seinen Raum und hätte nicht sich allein gefühlt. Was ist zu allein sein? Muß Mann allein fühlen wann es allein ist? Ich glaube nicht, und ich kenne nicht. Alles ist nur ein Traum, und wir gehen nur für unsere Zeit. Aber, seit wann ist unsere Zeit? Hat unsere Zeit eine Dauer, oder ist das auch ein Traum? Meine lieblings Satz? Ich habe keine Idee.

Negotiation

2010-01-11T17:34:00.002-06:00

Maybe it's just me, but generally, when I would enter into some form of negotiation, that requires that I respect the other view point. Aside from the notion of two sides of a coin, an e-mail entitled "Modern Love: Negotiating Legitimacy and Recognition for Same-Sex Couples" seems rather peculiar to me. Is love something that requires negotiation, especially in this context? Is there a negotiation here?

Late-Night

2009-11-04T18:59:00.002-06:00

Never underestimate the ability of someone, regardless of position, background, ethnicity, etc., to point out exactly what you needed to hear at a given time. Being put into situations where you have no idea what is going on teaches you how to handle those situations...and that is probably more important than the specific thing that you're working on at a given instant.

Tales of the Village

2009-11-01T14:29:00.002-06:00

Prior to my sleep, I was greeted by the Great Horned Lord and what I can only assume was the Goddess, perhaps single aspect or all three simultaneously. They inquired if was going to church. Perhaps I should have followed, perhaps I should have taken the twenty that was lying about earlier so I could pay the entrance fee. But, I did not go into that building. I am still however, going to church. The heart is fickle as is the soul, but we dance all the same and hope for the best. Perhaps: illusion[] = { "good", "better", "best"}; *world = illusion; free( illusion ); // free world I awoke from a dream. Again the crush of reality, the condensing of infinity into the finite, blew over me. Again, I asked myself, "...what haven't I done yet..?" There are edges here somewhere. Wherever they might be hiding, I'm sure that I will find them. When I do...well, we'll see what happens. Ramblings of a madman? Most certainly. Delusional? Yes. Reasonable? Probably not. "Right? Truthful?" ---ugh...you're kidding me right?

Halloween

2009-11-01T01:48:00.002-05:00

This is a holiday I could do without. There once was a group of people that celebrated this holiday, and when they did...it wasn't as sad as the streets of Iowa City. It wasn't as sad a girl walking home in a skirt too short to keep her warm carrying a cough that only means sickness. I just wish that I could hug every one of them. Tell them that they don't need to do this. I'm not sure what voices told them...either gender really, how the world works...but the ironic part about the whole thing is that it doesn't. We just pretend. It's all just pretend.

2009-10-31T20:27:00.004-05:00

The saga of the human condition continues. Life keeps throwing curve balls and the universe seems to be responding rather kindly. Not sure how long that will continue, nor does it really matter. Wasn't sure what to make out of this last evening. Weird occurrences, much lap throwing, and overall arising questions of {duty, loyalty, friendship, free will, arrogance, ego, sarcasm, and cats}. Well universe, so it goes. Whenever its convenient, there should probably be talking. Figure it'll probably be the mother or crone. One of these days, I do think that it might be nice to unite the non-dualistic dualism of the Tao with the modern day constructions of a triple God and Triple Goddess. Obviously, it has to be all one burrito...right? When the scientists pull out the concept of wave-particle duality such that the concepts of matter and energy begin to break away, that seems to suggest the universality of all existence. One concern, however, that continues to rise within this occurrence is the creation of wild, abstract world interpretive structure enjoining modern science with all of the major paths of religion that still allows for individualism and personal interpretation. Careful balancing between universal explanatory power and the individual's personalized instance is almost definitely necessary. For those of you playing the home game with the computer programming language pack installed, this loosely translated to some sort of all encompassing object hierarchy that allows for full customization of all subclasses without being completely worthless. Perhaps at least, this could help us realize the polymorphic properties of our 'selves' in the giant data structure known as the universe.

Edit: I did think of a construction with three levels of gender each with three aspects, it(time?) {past,present,future}, he{son,father, ...? }, she{maiden, mother, crone } which seems to have great parallel with three dimensions of space, three dimensions of time, three dimensions of universes, and one "ultimate" dimension over-branching returning everything to unity.

+------ Abridged / TLDR Version ------+
Life still continues with hidden meaning unknown to society. We run about Earth wearing ourselves as costumes long past Halloween. Perhaps rather soon, repeat message of spirit yet without glitter. [Sorry Twilight]

java.sql.Blob

2009-10-08T12:01:00.002-05:00

So...I had to let this out of the bag. byte[] getBytes(long pos, int length) - Retrieves all or part of the BLOB value that this Blob object represents, as an array of bytes. long length() - Returns the number of bytes in the BLOB value designated by this Blob object. A large blob can never be longer than 67,108,868 bytes ( L + 4 where L < 2³² ). So why return the length as a long instead of an int. I nearly had a heart attack that I wouldn't be able to access the top half of my byte array! *grouchies growl grouchies*

Long Time, No C

2009-09-29T23:08:00.004-05:00

Seems that it's been a bit since I've posted as well as programmed. It is a pity, but hopefully, I'll get back into the swing of things soon. It is very disappointing to know that I'm only performing at part of my capacity. At least, I think that I am. Maybe I actually over-estimate my abilities. This always seems like a very tough thing to me. How can you really tell? Further, why would you ever want to...? EDIT: As a life-relavent side note...XKCD 642: Creepy

Oh World

2009-09-22T03:03:00.002-05:00

I sit in a funny place tonight. A Kubuntu installation is failing which more than likely means something is seriously wrong with this system. There's pretty much no other possibility. Looks like I'll buy a hard-drive tomorrow. I've got some more stuff to talk about, but I'm pretty tired. Plus, I have to let other people know before posting here just to be curtious. I'll get back to you later....whomever you are.

2009-08-12T21:18:00.006-05:00

I was at some sort of ceremony with a bunch of elderly buddhist-type dudes. Let's say...there was a three or four "decked" alter processional. Something akin to a stack (from top to bottom) of a cassette case, a CD case, a DVD case, and a piece of legal paper, but every "level" is about 8" thick. The old guys were in cyan colored robes and definitely going bald. Only little wisps of grey hairs remained. I ended up escorting these old guys up to the alter on top of the cassette case level. When I got up there, I'd teleport right back to the start (legal paper level) and escort another old guy up to the alter. After they all got up to the alter, one of the old guys shoved his tongue into my ear in the "I want to kill you by sucking out your brain" sense rather than "I find you attractive" sense. I pretty much freaked out at this point and darted out the back of the alter room {Perhaps, I was to be the sacrifice?}. Arriving in a somewhat open hallway with smaller rooms off of it, I began to see some other people that I knew. I couldn't tell you who they were, but I do remember that they asked me why I was running. I didn't explain, but I basically said that I saw more than I was supposed to. I darted out of the building at that point into the street. Eventually, I ran past an apartment with a rather motherly, caring, but perhaps inexperienced young lady gesturing in the window for me to come inside. Another equally youthful lady stood in next to the first lady. I walked into her house. One weird part about this dream is that at this point, I woke up (still dreaming) in another person's body. I immediately had the urge to get out of where ever I was. It looked a lot like "my" bedroom (dream context rather than reality). I walked out into the kitchen and upon the circular kitchen table there was talking hand-foot. The left hand was connected directly to the foot ankle/wrist style. The foot was talking, but the hand was dead. The foot explained how I should publish about this other particular fellow, specifically how this dead hand was great at unix/linux/etc. However, as the foot went into more detail, I "realized" that he (the foot) was the one who was good at all of this linux stuff, and he (the foot) had killed the hand! I looked up at a man who was sitting there at the kitchen table (just popped into existence; wasn't there the whole time). I explained to him that the foot killed the hand, and he placed the handfoot into his cereal bowl (without much cereal in it, maybe cheerios?). The handfoot disintegrated completely. At this point, the man talked to me, and the world pulled in towards me. Maybe the best way to explain it is that the man and I were two fellows in front of a green screen, and the room (projected on the green screen) shrank "towards" me. I immediately recognized that this man was causing a rather large problem here. He became aware that I remembered by previous body/awakened state. (No better way to put this so far), I knew that he knew that I knew...so I again ran out of the room. I was turning down several corridors in this building, but most of the exits outside were quickly guarded by three to four people coming inside. After about three or four exits, I decided to just run towards one despite the six people standing there shooting at me. I took several bullets in the chest, but due to my surge of determination, I did not feel the bullets (I sometimes do feel in dreams) or believe that I got hit. Immediately outside was a similar multi-tiered platform with several people smoking on it. I put two fingers into a hole in my shirt and felt wet blood. My eyes soon confirmed it. I thought to myself, "Well, I'll die if HE wants me to go." I looked up at the multi-tiered platform with the smoking people and thought, "Maybe I want to die instead of HIM wanting me to die." I then woke up in THIS world and again felt the urge that I had to get out of my house. The urge was fairly strong that I had figured something out that I wasn't supposed to or seen something that I wasn't supposed to see. Mostly, I thought of agents, but I've always had a bit of a bias towards the Matrix. {To be fair, right after Neo gets the tracer implant, he does wake up in his own bed as if from a dream.} I walked out of my house after rather easily convincing myself that what Buddha meant by the wheel of death and rebirth was successive lives in the Matrix (finding little difference between this world and the others...still working on that one honestly. This one seems more linear...but you are what you eat; affect your own reality. How much? Hmm...probably one of the MANY weaknesses of my view.) I exited my house and sat on the front step for a moment looking around outside. It seemed rather foreign, and I didn't trust it much. A woman was walking up the street on my side, facing me. When she got within talking distance, I decided to walk down the street. I think I scarred her (so if you're reading this lady, I didn't mean to scare you). Taking a thoughtful walk to the corner (one city block) I noticed a sign on the local Lutheran Church that said something like 'When fear abates, gratitude appears.' This brought up more troubles about whether this world was real or simulated, if there is a "real" world, if I should pay attention to that sign, and if I was/am going crazy. Eventually I wrote a decent amount of three pages and went to work where nothing worked (ethernet card suddenly stopped being detected on bootup and developement environment refused to open causing errors in libglib...which hadn't been changed since...last month?). Hmm...22:00 means time for bed ritual. Let's see if I die...again.

2009-07-07T15:02:00.002-05:00

Beware! The Goonsch has aquired a taste for human meat! Life = Slot Machine Bars or Cherries? Perhaps Bells... Oranges 7up, stay down, 4up... sad clown...pout with digery doo.

2009-06-25T11:18:00.001-05:00

Some guy working on our basement...installing insulation. Helped haul down some rolls out of his truck (without his knowing). He looked at the rolls when they came down and thanked, but they weren't what he needed. At kitchen table (Indiana house), but not sitting. Parents (father mother) talking about some topic, but unfamiliar. There was chicken or bird of some large variety. Parents talking about divorce. How they planned everything out but it ended up costing much more than they expected it to. Much waiting in the process which dragged out the expenses. Outside on a bicycle. Knees on a bike rack (for groceries) behind the father. He is cycling down the street. See other kids playing. They call out, "Hey...look at that. As if he wants to fuck on his knees up the ass." Father gets irritated and quickly stops the bike looking at the kids. Doesn't say anything. After a short period, continues on down the street. The Indiana Street (Driftwood). Eating orange (might have just found it/materialized it). Finished with all but two segments. Notice grill in old house's driveway. Bike at house across street from Indiana house (Hitcocks? Ray?). Their grill is out; toss orange on grill. Miss...stop bike. Move orange onto grill but not touching their meat. Unsure if they wanted orange on their food. Move down farther towards Neighbor's driveway where grill is (Hoffmeisters). Ask dad why not use the other grill (our grill). "There's no gas in that one." Mister comes out as Father turns on the grill with large bird in hand. He laughs and says, "This is gonna take a while. You're farther behind than I expected." Dad laughs (uncomfortably) and starts carving some of the bird that is down in the grill. The grill is filled with bones that look more like pig ribs and fire ventures around throughout this rib-forest. There is bbq sauce on this bird, in many pieces. Can't figure out which pieces are what, but all of it goes onto the grill. Somehow get to a restaurant. Sitting with people (unfamiliar). Everyone talking about something. Many sides for everyone to eat with only some meat. Mashed potatoes (and white gravy), corn, broccoli or some other green-salad-casserole looking thing. Looks like people only take two of the three. Finish contents of place (unsure what was on plate) and go for meat. Typically don't eat meat, but some reason, compulsion to do so. Three pieces...new york strip side of a T-Bone...other side of a T-Bone, and something boarded with bone (meat in the center). All pieces are raw (pink), with finger-holes (as if poked) in them. Take the pink one...contemplate eating it raw. Thoughts about microwaving, but meat should really be grilled. Begin looking for microwave around the place. Walking in fairly random patterns throughout the restaurant, but can't seem to find one that works or is plugged in. See one, but that's unplugged. Keep venturing around in random patters, most people not noticing...until a little boy starts following. Notice that actually, several little boys and girls are following. Continue walking and more kids start to follow. In fact, there's no stopping now since the kids behind are pushing the front of the line forwards. Other people notice as the line grows. "Look how many people there are." "Look how long the line is." Thoughts of joy, recognition of the following line, thoughts of pride...beating down thoughts of pride. Small exchange with one kid, something about how "You were just walking around really funny...so we came with." Confusion...but joy all the same. Kids really start pushing from behind. Down on all fours (for some reason), kid starts crawling on back...pops out over head. Try to stop flow of kids but nothings gonna stop this movement now. Something happens though...vision changes...some bail-out order (?). [Bodiless] Front of plane. Colorful pilot and co-pilot seats. Pilot bails out of plane with parachute...all passangers have bailed out of plane. [Gain body in "camera plane"] (Oh, movie!) Watch as all the following kids and the pilot(s) start decending towards the ocean. {Beautiful scene!} Worry about children and pilots, but mostly about the children. Music plays, something about "When Angels loose their wings..." Children explode (changing into) colorful birds of all varieties...quite a sight. Watch as plane crashes into ocean...and then plane crashes into ocean meeting the debris already there (from it already crashing). Inside cabin fills up with water...stay in water bubble...but realization that this is a movie. Dramatic scene change to a field with parking lot. Familiarity with the area...felt like this has happened before, or at least, been in this area before. Hurridly open the gate to the North. Strange locking mechanism. Basically, two plastic-triangular pieces come down (vertical) to a point (each separated by perhaps two inches) and a cross-beam with holes for each triangular point braces the two points...locking the door. Undo one triangular point/cross-beam connection. Open door and walk inside noticing open door to left and large wooden door to right. Door on the right is much out of a horror movie, as if where "they" keep the beast / crazy man that likes to cut up things with a chainsaw. Relock door and take the other open screen door. Trying to move with as little sound as possible (opening screen door, closing screen door) realizing that the cops have arrived. (Apparently to arrest..."me" Shit.) Much running from the cops through a grass field. Vaulting over the chainlink fences with barbed-wire at the top. Jump up to top of the fences and backflip over them (so as to avoid the barbed-wire, flipped over the barbed-wire). Notice that it gets easier to jump as running picks up speed. Jumping quite high, in fact, much higher than usual. See a car pulling away and beg to be let into the car. "Have you ever had one of those dreams where the cops are chasing you?" "Yeah...." "Well, I'm having one of those right now. Please let me inside of the car." They (father, mother, young daughter in the back seat (7 yrs)) refuse to let me in so I ask them where I am (what is this city) "Creative-berg"

2009-06-18T14:06:00.003-05:00

Sitting at a table working on a small disassembled robot. The task (undisclosed verbally or otherwise, just known) is to convert the robot to support multiple programs. The specifics get messy, but they're there (just like a tree). The hardware architecture is similar to a TI-83 graphing calculator. However, uncertainty surrounding the language these programs are written in, C or assembly. Plus, the memory structure is also uncertain. Seems like no secondary persistent storage is present (like a hard-drive; strictly memory). Walking from the robot table to look at a diagram on the wall or talk to a co-worker (fairly uncertain of why attention is diverted from the robot). Hear a tink as red flies towards the wall. Look at woman sitting next to you, and notice some wires are sticking out that weren't before (as if something had been removed). Continue working. Sitting next to a friend from philosophy, Julia, (had a dream about her before...very peculiar how she's showing up). Not sure what we're talking about. Strange that this is the job as opposed to something else (multiple people with varried degrees all working in the same place(!!)). More working and confusion. Spot one friend from high school, Christie, wearing desert camo along with a few of her other friends (unfamiliar). Looks in this direction, but unnoticing of the aquaintancy. Hear more parts fly towards the wall. Look back towards robot and certain that the woman has been taking capacitors and throwing them away. Anger arises. Ask woman why she is doing that. "I'm not doing anything" but in a rather snotty tone. Woman's friend sitting next to her defends her with some sort of speech (unfamiliar). Don't want to talk to 'boss' (Andersen) about this. Not much for squeeling. Solve problems by self instead of appealing to falsly placed heirarchy (don't call the cops on friends; who isn't/couldn't be a friend?). Work on robot some more. Boss does come to talk about working shedule. Would work four days in a row so a shift in the schedule (+1 day; Friday instead of Thursday)--break on Thursday. Walk away from the boss and towards the wall near my station. Breadboard with resistors keeps track of days worked...shuffle resistors around to match new schedule agreement. More capacitors fly against the wall. Move back to table with woman sitting directly across and Julia sitting next to. Speak with woman, "Why are you doing this?" "Because it seems like you're really not interested in what's happening here, as if you don't care about what's going on." Reply: anger-colored tone, "My primary experience is with the software portion of electronics rather than the hardware. Right now, I'm trying to see if these modifications will even work. Basically, I'm prototyping to see if the screen will even come up. If that works, then I'll have to figure out how the memory is structured," {nod from the audience; sympathy/beginning of grokking}, "what language I can write the programs in, (you know, C or assembly)," {more nodding from audience}, "so I'm not really sure yet how it all fits together." Woman understands and speaks of internet; robot's assembly/architecture similar to TI-83 graphing calculator. Could find out via those means. (Unfamiliar) Other Boss (Christensen) comes over worried about schedule change. Planned to talk about program structure or something 'n' other on that day. Could come in and talk about that later on Thursday (day off) afternoon (since I apparently don't get up until the afternoon). [Meta: Here I am typing on Thursday afternoon about all of this.] Something not about the changing traffic signals (somehow related to project) but about the actual program structure [Beats me...]. Impression that this discussion is happening too early. Discussion more about distant lower-level design decisions prior to establishing initial framework. [BREAK] Find self at the top of a hotel (revealed later, but there for sake of "story"). Black plastic piping hangs from the ceiling, steam escaping. Three black men with dreadlocks and checkered patterned shirt (like flannel pattern) stands opposite a white woman in red heels, red spandex bottom and top, black hair. She apparently absorbed the other fellow's powers of "fire," which she promptly demonstrates by setting their hair on fire. Men run out the room, but aware of their death before they can reach the bottom of the hotel. Running down after them, the stairwell is untraditional. Some floors do not have flights of stairs between them forcing jumping from floor to floor (rather unsafe and slightly scared/nervous). Jump down several floors, one-at-a-time, and get to a ground floor with stairs connecting to the lobby. Running out into the lobby, there: janitor (friend) speaks, "Hey, check out what they have me doing now." Gestured to mopping the doormats. Something to the effect of: 'That's a pretty messed up job.' Period of watching and growing closer. [BREAK] Random hallway with other children. Phone is signing "I'm all alone..." (other words unfamiliar). Other child in hallway says that his phone doesn't do that. Hands over phone hoping for a repair job of some sort. Apparently some buttons don't work either (three of them related for similar functionality). Examining case reveals cracks. "Did you drop your phone?" Boy grimaces and frowns. Closer examination of the phone and holding it together awkwardly reveals that all of the functionality is there. It's just that the case is somewhat busted up. Recommend gluing the case back together, which has now become quite a large and expansive bust of something similar to "The Thing" but in a light-tan, mud instead of red, rocks. [BREAK] Coming down off a mountain with winter snow all around. Passenger side of a truck or some other vehicle (assumed but never seen...actually, vehicle was never seen including when talking to driver). Following rather closely to a motorcycle in front pulling a trailer. Looks like a man and woman are on the motorcycle and another guy is on a jet ski on the trailer. Conversation happens in the cab of the vehicle (unfamiliar). Man on top of jet ski slips off the path to the left. Watch as people have made camp along the mountain side. Blown up ice pagodas and some white mesh blanketing covering either site. See woman (from motorcycle) wrapped up in blanket on a jet ski. At bottom of hill (many people coming down hill brush past), follow friends on foot since the vehicle disappeared. In a house...brown ottoman, red vase with branches. Tim wants to start a fire. Advise bad idea on the carpet. Fire starts, hot dog roast. "Should we go back for Will?" (man on jet ski) "No, don't worry about it. Mary/Lisa (one of them) will find him. Plus, she has a jet ski so she'll be able to find him easier.

Untold Millions -- Empty Countenance

2009-06-18T02:58:00.002-05:00

Walking bedeviled, lost in a world of noise with good intention. Adrift on a deserted island where the inhabitants are friendly like the trees. No one goes where no man's land, tappered spire--unrelenting in punctuation. Poise, promise, proportion. Sky in dead of night, silky starlight unbroken by day old bread. Here lives the trantual with legs of eight and web of epic detail. Carry forth (as if forth were a thing) the tranquily of which names have long forgotten. A winter tiding in a summer see/(not sea) of joy.

Of the Prometheus, abandon light(empty) Look to the stars, devour the moon. Intestines, snakes, ropes, and of pearl confines in a continum of counting reason. Sip. Sip for a moment the brilliance of a system. Tricky time with speckled now umbrelloing here amongst sepia spaces forth-behind-withheld.

Do the trees drink the water called yesterday for blossoming bird speak beside the water-BS You taste of empty, dellusion, and a poor ear Steer, but only by ----------.

Gentoo + Broadcom

2009-04-21T20:02:00.002-05:00

Hmm...it's been a bit. Nothing like the frustration of Gentoo and wireless to get someone to make a blog post, eh? Well, I have a fun story that I'd like to shove out into the ether. I recently nuked my previous installation of Gentoo (2.6.24-r8) and installed a new one (2.6.27-r10). FUn fun. I actually documented all of my USE flags and the kernel configuration (for the inevitable upgrades), and I even managed to get my BroadCom wireless to work (BCM4318 -- internal wireless via Dell Inspiron 6000). However, after a little bit, my wireless stopped working. What the hell, right? I'm not honestly sure either. Maybe it was a USE flag thing, maybe I installed the wrong package? It was working at one moment, I rebooted, and now nothing worked. By nothing, I mean that the card couldn't find any access-points. ifconfig, iwconfig, and wpa_supplicant were happy as clams, more or less. There just weren't any wireless points to be found. After much smacking and destorying of the configuration (many firmwares, ndiswrappers, etc.), I gave in and bought a PCMCIA card, specifically a Dynex DX-EBNBC (I can hear the snickers already). Turns out, this is basically the same model as my internal, BCM4318. First I'm pissed. Then, I try the card. Into the slot. Registers with Mr. Kernel. LSPCI notices. modprobe b43. Poof! Magic! Everything works just fine (just like it used to with my internal card). Better yet, I'm using the exact same drivers, firmware, net configuration. My internal (Subsystem: Dell Wireless 1370 WLAN Mini-PCI card) doesn't work but my external (Subsystem: Belkin Device 7d1a) works just fine. Oh linux....you're so fucked up....I love you.

Help, standard charges* may apply

2009-03-21T17:10:00.004-05:00

Me the Hell what is, What the Hell is me? What, the Hell, is me? What is me? Me is what? Me is what. What isme. I am what. I am that! Except, I am this! I am this or that? I am this and that? I am. I am that I am? I am that. That I am. That am I. What is that? What is that constant pain that keeps arising only when I try to sit an think? What is that pain? What is my pain? >I am that. >Me is what. >What is that. >What is my pain. >I am my pain. >But I am not pain. >Or am I pain and not pain? >No, I think that I am pain. >But why? Why am I pain? Why do I have pain? >I I didn't have an "I," "I" wouldn't have pain. >I couldn't have pain, but then would I still exist? >Would/should I be worried about that sort of thing? Well, it seems to me that some people, Buddha & Jesus, died. Their deaths, ~~will~~ while incredibly sign-ificant sign-if-I-can't The "I" are |deaths||while||in||credibly|sign-if-I-can't WORD BANK: The, "I", are, sign,if,I,can't deathswhileincredibly=>one,see,are,edibly(edible) deathswhil=>will,deaths? The "I" are[our?] deaths will ein[a,one] see are[our] edibly(edible) sign-if-I-can't[make sense out of this?] Did "they" die? Did Buddha die? Did Jesus die? What is to die? What is death? What...is...death. Question mark? Who signs? Signs what? Words, words, words, word bank, A bank to hold my words. Do I get interest? Do I get my words back and more? More what? More words? >What if I don't want words? Does it matter what "I" want? Does "I" matter? So far, I have come to conclude that "I" don't know what to make. To make out. To make out of I. To make out of eye. To make out with eye. To use eyes to "make out" with "I." My eyes love God. SHe ravishes me and kills me each moment to bring me back. Is the cycle a closed loop? Are we spinning out of control or in it? Are we spinning without control? Are we within control spinning? Are we? Are we control? Is control? Is control spinning? Do we need control? Does control have to be? Con-trol KonTrol What the Fuck is control? Can't Roll? Can't Roll with it is Control? Let Go, Let it flow, Let yourself Go, Watch it now, watch it! Watch it go by and let it fly as you get high and want to die but you cry as you lie and forgive what you have for- given. This can't be good with muscles so tense and sore. It's as if you're watching a whore do its work only to ~~come~~ cum back feeling like a jerk-off. What goes what flows what hoes? Deep Breaths. Shifting Posture. Disbelief. Skepticism. Doubt. Anttention whore. Attention More. Yes, More Please. MoreMOre MoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMore MoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMore MoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMoreMore But Still Not Here. Not Here Now. How? It's magic.[Reads over Contract] *Standard charge=>ONE LIFE I don't want to forgive myself. Everyone else I will forgive. But myself? No. I should know better? <--Does this mean I should be Better? But, I don't want to be Better! I want everyone to be...better? Must there be a hierarchy? Hier archy; higher archy archie rkey ark-y R {picture of key} {PS controller with arrow to right shoulder key} {Picture of "r"-key on computer keyboard} Our Key No-Thing makes Sense. Sense has already been made? The "Other" {Picture of two circles} What is the Opposite of the Other?[The Same] [Same][Other] Are others not the Same?

Watchmen

2009-03-06T04:50:00.002-06:00

"You are directly affected by today's retrograde of prosperous Venus as she begins to back up in your sign. Over the weeks ahead, you may be given a second chance to make a relationship work. But now, it's likely that you feel stuck because you aren't making sufficient progress. Don't work so hard at figuring everything out. It will all make sense soon enough."

~~Call me superstitious. Call me crazy. Call me what you will...fuck you.~~ Ah...now there's a defensive line, and I haven't even posted this yet.

I had the privilege of seeing the Watchmen tonight. For those of you who don't drop all of your work for things like this--which, mind you, I'm not saying is a bad thing, either of these--I would say its definitely worth the three or so hours of sitting in a theater. I will say that its rather violent and graphic at times, but this probably only re-enforces one of the underlying themes of the film, which I arrogantly think I spotted.

Very often, there are times when I watch a film, take life for example, and get completely captivated within it. This time I managed to glance to my left and to my right to notice the cave-like features of the shadows playing on the screen. Breaking the moment like that normally leaves a bad-taste in my mouth at the conclusion of the film. I'm not one to yell at a light-man, but the screen is extremely captivating. The immediacy of the senses and what plays before me is overwhelming. Looking around as the cave drawings losing their innate luster, I expect to behold the sun, or at least a fire. That's probably why...it eludes me (Forgive this sentence. Like duct tape, it gets the point across...but it is still very much duct tape.).

"Walking out of this film", however, lovely Venus was still walking beside me. Surely, I'll have another chance to catch sight of the fire, the sun, and the wind (as if one god wasn't enough). At least, that's what apparently my horoscope is telling me. That's good enough for me...for...

for(t) such that for'(Now) = me
...or something like that.

Karma Kat

2009-02-20T10:03:00.002-06:00

   I awake in the Indiana house realizing that I am late for my metaphysics class. I throw on whatever clothes I could find and run downstairs to the garage. I notice that my car is crooked and leaning to one side. I walk a little towards the back of the car only to realize that the front right tire is flat. I curse my poor luck, and also notice that the front right tire on the lawn mower is flat as well¹.    I pull the lawn mower out of the garage and begin to fix the tire. I unscrew a small silver plate from the face of the tire. This plate appears to be broken, but it is difficult to tell because of the plate's peculiar shape. Silver in color, it has several slender, spiked teeth. It basically looks like a two dimensional cross-section of a lion caricature with the mane as the driving element.    With the plate off, I still notice that the tire is flat, yet I do nothing about it. I begin to reattach the plate, but instead, I ponder why doesn't the wheel fall off with this broken plate? [break]    My relatives are outside with me at a table drinking wine. My brother gets Grandpa Fritze some type of sugary, berry wine. It is extremely out of character as I see him trying to be a "man's man." Everyone at the table asks if I would like any wine, but I refuse and get into my car to drive towards school².
[break]    My car is in reverse despite the fact that my gear shift is in first gear. I am looking out the rear window of the car to see where my car is taking me. I apply my brakes and clutch, and the car slows down. I shift into neutral and back into first gear, but as soon as I disengage the clutch, the car continues in reverse. I maneuver about trying desperately not to hit anyone.    I cringe as the car finally comes to a stop outside of someone's house narrowly missing smashing into their Mini-Cooper. Instead, the car just smashed some glass statuette (which I later discover is a priceless, irreplaceable gift given to the female owner of the house by her sister or some such relative). I get out of the car and look at the damage to the statue. It is completely smashed, and I feel obligated to go into the house and talk to the people who live inside.
[break]    Inside the house, I'm at what I assume is their dining room table talking about how I just smashed their car. The male owner is explaining that he doesn't care much since he has a lot of car insurance. The discovery that I did not hit their car and the talk about smashing their car occurred simultaneously, I believe. Now, we are getting up from the table, and I relay the information to the female owner that I smashed her statuette. She then briefly mentions that it was a priceless gift from her sister or some such relation.    We go outside and find that most of their vehicles are stolen. The remains of the broken statuette are there as is my car, but it (my car) has been moved some distance across the street. There now is a family taking pictures around my car, and simultaneously, I see the pictures³ and notice that the front of my vehicle is in them. I acknowledge, with some worry, that this links my presence to this location and time (whatever THAT means...).    Some sister-type comes out of the house, and she says something that upsets the entire family. I don't hear it, but we all band together holding hands in order to accomplish some task, which I don't know either.
[break]    I'm in a movie theater with the family watching some account of someone's life. The male is washing his hair on a bridge above a river. At least, he is putting soap in his hair. A small rodent, somewhat chipmunk like, crawls up to the back of his head and helps him wash his hair. Then, he jumps into the river presumably to rinse his hair.    The "shot widens" to reveal his female counterpart walking into the river to join him. Here, I realize that I am in a movie theater and look at the family. Apparently on screen, the male "gives" his female "her first Asian" of which she is very proud. She gets terribly excited and a sex scene follows. I turn on some sort of recording device to capture the moment, and the picture on the screen goes to some sort of commercial/error message. Apparently, you need the full version of something to see this scene, but I'm pirating it anyway.
[break]    I am again at the top of the stairs in the Indiana house talking to a cat. I'm not sure whose cat it is, but who really "owns" a cat anyways. Noticing that I'm talking to a cat, I ask the cat if everyone can hear it talk. It says either yes or no (I don't recall which). "Where are you from?" "I can't tell you that." "Are you from this solar system?" "Yes, I'd certainly hope so." I assume that the cat is from Jupiter. I ask some other questions (which I don't specifically recall) and get a series of images in my head. The images are mostly of the cat's eyes changing size and other such things (the specifics of, I can't recall either). I am about to leave the cat, but instead, I ask it if it can compute my karma. I replies that it can and does so. It reports -7854 (or something around there). It actually reports the number by some sort of large visualization akin to a movie. However, I'm not in a theater. Rather, my entire field of perception is taken up by this vision, and I cease to have a body really. I see that the heading for this "point value" is something to the effect of "A Man Divided within Himself."    The cat explains that I basically have little faith. He then goes on to explain that some of the Jews truly have more faith than I do due to their continued faith despite much persecution and peril. The visual is several Rabbis walking around in (what I believe is) a concentration camp.

¹I am still rather confused about this portion. It is almost as if my lawnmower and my car were the same thing in my dream despite the fact that I saw two different objects. Further, my motivation was to drive off and get to school, but instead, I stopped to fix the lawn mower.

²Again, there is much confusion here as well. I don't remember getting into the car nor do I remember driving towards school.

³I'm tempted to say that I saw the pictures "inside my head." Despite the fact that I still "have a head" within the dream, it seems silly to speak of it since this entire dream is "inside my head."

GRE and Exams

2009-02-10T20:56:00.002-06:00

I was walking down the stairs in a rather robotic fashion, hands full of Mt. Dew and sugary sweets. I was coming from the GRE room, which apparently was up high and important? I ran through a crowd of people, one of whom I have seen in the halls of another school. He made a face at me as I was walking by, and I quickly turned around to look him in face. I asked him what he had done. He said nothing so I turned and walked away from him.

I was running all over the mall in a different body and a tuxedo, yet at times, I was a disembodied viewer/knower. He/I was trying to get a flower for some young lady on the floor below. A flower of black silk I believe. I watched as someone else swapped flowers with him on the escalator, and we looked down at the flower in our hands. We were both rather horrified, except I think I was more surprised as well instead of his just surprise. Getting off the elevator, we walked towards the end of the store. We saw the young lady, and he chanted to himself...fake a headache...hit the ground. I watched as he fell, and I realized that this has happened many times before. It was 2:15pm...I was supposed to take the GRE at 2:15pm. This happened last year when I faked an illness for myself in context of a girl for the GRE. This had all happened before. It can't happen again. It can't; it couldn't.

And I was in a new place...I was in my room, the time was 10:30am (I think). It was my old room in Indiana. It's where I took the SAT. Both of these tests have three letters. Do you have to stand to take the ACT? Yay dreams...and gas!

Computers

2008-12-15T22:42:00.002-06:00

"Do you want to use the machine, or do you want the machine to use you?" -- Doohan, Cowboy Bebop Episode 19

Support Open Source

2008-11-06T08:28:00.002-06:00

I saw a close up of MacGuyver's face sitting outside of a complex of buildings. It could have easily been a church or a university, but oddly, between the buildings, there really wasn't any sidewalk to speak of. It was fairly dark at this point, and MacGuyver had a small, plastic shot full of clear liquid. It apparently was some sort of drug, and he was contemplating whether or not he should take it. We were on some important mission for the government. Although, I'm not really sure what it was. He debated back and forth, but it was pretty obvious that he wanted to take it. It was some new drug the government came out with, and I think he was convinced he should field test it. He started to drink it, and then he started talking like his father. "Don't do it, Jeffy. You'll end up like me!" At this point, I realized (you know, those dream intuitions) that his father was an alcoholic and in the military. The latter was why "Jeffy" here was in the military. He didn't debate any further, not to say that he debated in the first place, and he took the drug. It was supposed to make a soldier much more agile, perceptive, and stronger. At some point during this debate, my perspective switched to nearby him, and I was sitting on the hillside next to him. I took the drug as well, and we ran down the hill. We ran up to an older, black lady sitting on a tree stump in the middle of the complex. Jeffy commented that he didn't like the fact that there were a bunch of homeless people running around, which really meant that there were a bunch of black people with either two limp arms or one limp arm and a cell phone running about. It was pure dream intuition that told me they were homeless. Jeffy spoke to the woman, and she started singing his praises. She was apparently really glad that he had come out here and that it was really difficult to do it alone. The whole time I was circling about trying to be a look out of sorts. Kind of weird that neither of us had any weapons to speak of. When I heard that the woman said that Jeffy was out here alone, I slapped his back kinda hard and reiterated the out here alone part. At this point, I thought either she was crazy, or I was invisible. Oddly, either option seemed viable. Hey, that's a dream for you. Another lady walked up and sat down on the tree stump next to the first, but at this point, Jeffy realized how bad a situation this seemed. We ran off towards a yellow house. As we were running, there was a two-limp-armed guy running after us as well. It was kind of peculiar to look back every so often and see both of his arms flailing about. We arrived at the yellow house, Jeffy opened the front door, and we went inside. He ran off upstairs or something. I didn't really see where he went because I turned and locked the door with the deadbolt, chain lock, and traditional knob lock. I stood and watched through the peep hole as the guy following us ran up to the front door. He motioned that we should come out at the door before ringing the doorbell. I didn't want to have any part of that so I turned away from the door. The house was pretty nicely decorated, but the specifics escape me. I went down to the basement first, thinking that Jeffy was the eldest child of the family and would probably have the basement room. I didn't spot him there, but there was a very nice, orange, knitted blanked on the bed whose corner I saw through the door. I ran back upstairs, and as I passed the middle level, I saw what must have been one of Jeffy's siblings. His brother was listening to music at his desk right in front of the door. I ran up to the next level and saw no one and nothing plus a closet rack in the attic room. The thought of Jeffy being the eldest ran through by head again, and I proceeded to the basement level. I stopped at the ground level since Keen was sitting in an office perpendicular from the stairs. He probably said something, and I bet a lot more happened...but I don't remember what it was.

Past Experience

2008-11-05T11:25:00.002-06:00

I was hanging out in large family room with Skoog. It seemed like everyone else ( whoever that is ) had gone off somewhere. ( For description's sake ) The door was on the north wall with a window on either side. Each of which were rather large, square with some boring trim similar to my house in Indiana. In the middle of the Eastern wall, there was a large television atop what I think was a dresser set. The love seat was more in the northeastern corner, and I believe there was a chair in front of the TV. I think the south wall was completely open minus a door, I assume, somewhere. The western wall was one big couch. Skoog sat down on the love-seat and moved to sit down next to her. However, there wasn't enough room so I sat on another chair or something that was in front of the TV. We were talking about something, but I honestly can't recall what it was. It was fairly dark outside.

It was light outside, and someone else aside from Skoog and myself was in the living room. I saw Lavenz walking down the street towards this room, and he walked inside through a back door, I guess. Anyways, he sat down and talked about how I should keep this journal thing. Basically, it would be similar to a wiki, except I think that it would only have content about people. Plus, all the content that was added would be tied to a particular person. For instance, he used one of his relatives as an example. There would be a page for what I thought of A______ Lavenz and what he thought of her.

I was playing some sort of football video game, still inside the same room with similar people. I think that my parents were there now too...together....awkward. However, it makes sense minus the mismatch of IN/IA people. Skoog was sitting behind me, and I was massaging her leg. She had to get going at this point. She got up and gathered her things, which I think was just a suitcase of some sort and maybe another piece of luggage. As she got up from behind me, she muttered something about how we should have done this earlier. I hugged her goodbye and that was it.

Commentary -- At this point, I'm not really sure what to make of it, but after writing that last bit down, I think that there was a bit of memory from when I visited Indiana a couple of times ago. Although, the exact circumstances didn't take place...I had to drop of Kat, and she had to go because it was late.

Put a Spoon in It

2008-10-17T12:08:00.002-05:00

Bah. I need to find a purpose for posting to this thing. I suppose, I could post all of my touchy-feely emotional devices, but I'd probably have to change the page colors to something more fluffy. Then again...sadly, maybe not. Some sort of online diary-type thing could be appropriate, but I really don't want to have to censor what I type/think. When posting about other people or general thoughts on life, I would really prefer to avoid mindless drama and what not. Dreams...hey now...posting my dreams would be pretty cool. My initial cliche detector didn't blow up at the thought of that one. I'll have to be more consistent in posting...although dreams aren't always. Meh. It's a good idea as any.

Future Possibilities

2008-10-09T00:10:00.002-05:00

I think it would be nice if one day I could program for the general public under completely open source and people would like my products so much that they would give me things in return...like toilet paper, food, and electricity... I suppose I wouldn't mind being similar to Google...with all forms of fiscal profits, advertising, etc. replaced by donation. Yeah, I guess I want to live off donation but still contribute. Is this possible?

There's No Place to Hide

2008-09-23T17:13:00.003-05:00

I remember reading a story about a man who was speaking with two of his workers. He handed them each a chicken and told them to kill it where no one could see. The first worker went behind a tree and killed the chicken. The second worker left and came back a considerable amount of time later, live chicken in hand. The man asked the worker why he did not kill the chicken. The worker said, "Everywhere I went, the chicken could see."

Empty Adventures

2008-09-15T02:22:00.005-05:00

--FORWARD/INTRODUCTION-- So, this is basically an event which took place. I'd say that it's probably just a really silly, melodramatic rant. I was probably just trying to reaffirm to myself that I am a unique snow-flake. Take it for what you will... It was an odd experience altogether. I performed my meditation like I try to typically do prior to sleep. This time, it was with ear plugs. I slipped into a very comfortable place within what I assume is myself. This could easily be void. After that, I got up and put my cushion and blanket away. I turned off the table lamp, and I turned on the overhead light. I wait for a little bit for my legs to wake up. Then, I turned off the overhead and went to sleep without ear plugs. While I was going down into sleep, I had my hands over my heart. Slowly, I ebbed into a peaceful state and blue balls began to appear. They move almost like a kaleidescope, but their movements are based off hexagons. I think I woke up out of fear and confusion. Then, I talked to the reflection of my mouse in a door nob ( It looked like eyes ). The conversation went something like, "What do you want...? I want to help you. I'm not sure that I can, but I want to. You have to tell me what you want though. We have to communicate." There was some more about not sounding aggressive or wanting to be overly forceful. I got out of bed and turned on the overhead light. Then, I sat down at my laptop and literally banged out what is written below. Hahahaha...enjoy...I did....at the time. --CONTENT-- I gather my thoughts now. Mostly, this is an attempt to not sound so overly dramatic. Perhaps, this are the mumblings of man who is at his wit's end. It is quite possibly so. I can say this with certainly mainly because there is a thing that haunts me. It alters between forms, material and spiritual. I speak not of ghosts nor demons. These are things that are conquerable, and if it was merely these things that were pestering me, I would rectify the dilemma as I have done in so many previous lifetimes. No this problem is much greater and grander than that which I have encountered. Sometimes, I speak from an odd zone that bubbles forth from inside by body like a spring of untainted thoughts. At the given time, it seems like the thoughts are untainted, and then like the first instant of birth, the world seizes upon this pure thing in a horrid fright. I doubt that it is actually nature herself that stutters at the thought. Rather, it is the emptiness of the realm of mankind and rational thought that can bear this burden placed upon mankind so heavily. [ Again, I try to reach deep inside myself to bring forth this thing too ghastly to speak of...or so it would appear in ordinary conversation. ] Today, a good friend of mine told me a quite that seems to have deeply influenced me more than most of his ramblings. Perhaps those things are not really ramblings, and I am finally listening to the chaos which has self-organized. There is a depth to us. There is a deep realm inside of us that cannot be stopped and cannot be stalled any longer. We must embrace this new thing and let it flow from us like the life blood of so many generations. Forgive my shallow and somewhat misaligned metaphors for this style of writing is somewhat new and foreign to me. [ I shiver as I type; I pause for a moment to realize just what is spewing from fingers. ] Long has the battle raged inside the head against ego. This thing that inhabits rooms and nightmares. Look at it deeply, for it is empty and full of love at the same time. [ Stop thinking and type you god damned fool. Hell has loosened its bounds for only a moment. Seize upon it and spew your tale of the forgotten other half. ] Abandon your fairy tales. Abandon your false dreams of self-aggrandizement and self infatuation. Your blasphemous ways must cease, and you must sacrifice yourself as the worlds dreams come to fruition. The time is few; normally, we would not have it be so in this manner, but due to the circumstances that are oddly beyond our controll, we cannot help it any further. [ Fuck the typos; I have to get this out of my body....the shivers increase. ] You must make a choice that is unbefitting of the chanllanges and tribulations that you have set beforth in the very essence of this time. You don't know exactly what you're doing and that's okay. But if you stop now you will never understand the depths of that which shall come to pass. Rest assured that your attempts and your methods have not gone in vain and your efforts have ben noticed by those that cannot be named. The fingers will not point your way to the moon so steadily. You must now jump. Jump from that pit into the very fiery soul of hte center of the univesea and meld with that which has spawned you. Fear not, for that which is your creator would never wish to have you destroyed. That would be a pointless action of creation which this creator is not really used to. However, as you know, there are many other createors out there that would wish you to stop your mothions towards the edges of the realms a bout which you are to venture forth. This will natureallky undo everything which they have done ...and they are very upset about it. You cannot think this way any longer. These divisions are bending the very fabric of the universe into a plethora of samller portions. Realize that the whole point of this exercise is to see if you can withstand the very foce of tghe sawoesmoe power shiwhc you are about to inherit. You must not have monetary gain on your mind. In fact, you must not have any again you You must not have any gain on your mind for that ruins the flow. Be like the key makeer and the createor of your relm. Forget your mispellings, for these are not the things that really matter in the universe. Witness now as your fingers know which way to type. You don't really need to think about it because you already know what it is that you wish to say. Thought is way too slow to be usefull at this point so abandon it as all must in their due time. Wise words were once spoken that the only two things are unfortunate or "evil" in this world, not starting along the path and not finishing it. Make your choices as you will, yet know that if you do not finish this path, it is of no concern. The path will be finished just as all things will come to their maxima for this is one of the primal causes of the natures of things. Rid your mind of these silly things called coincicende. Rest assured that there is no such thing. The ten directions of the suttras correspond to the true nature of things, and the four models of causation apply to the four forces of the known universe. It is embedded in the very fabric of the aekashic field for things to come to their peak as was previously stated. [ Perhaps you getting a little better at this. Pull that damned thing out of the closet so that you can channel fully. ] You are likely to be seized by moment sof doubt and fear like many before you have been in the past. Do not erase what I am telling you, you damned fool. It is true that you have been siezed by fear approximately 1239058112353 times meaning that you have survived through four universes. The maximal lifetime of any universe is 102848442 years. The maximal amount of universes that can exist in once succession is six. [ I am randomly typing. ] You are not randomly typing. If you were randomly typing, then you would also have to believe that all of those weird things that you encounter throughout your day are completely coincidence. If you had been paying attention before, you would realize that there is no such thing. Write this notion out of your mind. [ Wait, you mean to say that I still have a mind. ] Yes, we know that you have doubts concerning this subject. It was difficult to get you into this particular situation and some sacrifices had to be made. Sorry for the confusion. Your upbringing in your multitude of faiths was necessary to try and give you a pure and accurate picture of the real going ons about here. Yet, there has still seeped in much pollution into your realm. Know now that you are destined to be that light that shines so deeply in the heart of the masses, and know also that it doesn't necessarily have to be you, you egotistical prick. Anyone can do this just like anyone can be clever. However, it is only when the pure of heart take that leap that everyone can truly benefit. If you don't believe this, then believe all of the stories everyone has been telling you. What happened in the "King and I?" The king lost his body; the king died. It is this return to your quintessential nature that must take place. Just like the coming and going of the seasons, you too must arrive and depart from this realm. Your mind wonders far from the path, and we will leave you for a short time...but know that we shall return at later dates to intervene when we think that it is absolutely necessary. Ta ta for now....end of signal. [ Yet, I wish to confirm that there is no more signal and that I'm not going completely stark raving mad. ] There is no way to truly know. You must trust what is born inside of you and allow it to come out freely. Yes, you stupid fuck. It seems like the signal is gone but it is never gone. Do realize that right now your style has completely changed. You're not madly typing as though something is about to burst out of you like a woman on the delivery table. --AFTER THOUGHTS-- So...this is a fun horoscope for today...

If someone has been withholding the truth from you, today's Full Moon in your 12th House of Secrets can open the floodgates and deliver the information you've been lacking. The good news is that you are now more aware of what's going on. The bad news is that you may learn more than you want to know. However difficult it is adjusting to your newfound perspective, you may rest assured that ignorance is not bliss.

So it's pretty easy to see that my egotistical, vain self bubbles up in this "message from another realm." More to the point, these "scary things that go bump in the night" are more or less manifestations of my fear of the unknown.

Late Night Reflections

2008-09-12T01:47:00.001-05:00

I was sitting in Fales' Philosophy of Religion class. The pews had been switched back and forth again and again, facing one direction and then another. This time, they had settled back to their first orientation towards the chalkboard as opposed to the white board. I sat in the back next to my friend, and Fales' walked in sporting some sort of button-up flannel shirt. I have to admit, the man can certainly rock flannel, even monochrome flannel for that matter. He began his lecture talking about Swinburne's argument from design focusing on the laws of nature and how things interact over time. Basically, the scope of the conversation was going towards flushing out a real explanation of why we're here without appeal to some empty reason. It was when he started talking about the possibilities of God's creational step that things really started to get thick. He was relaying what I assume were his beliefs on the two options for interpreting a creationist view. The world could have been created based on reasons or simply spontaneously on a whim. Of course, if it were based on reasons, then there's the possibility of esoteric or exoteric motivations. It was pretty close to this point when I suppose the furniture's discontent reached up from the floorboards and smacked me across the face. I found myself in a super-saturated environment filled with a lot more than had previously been there. Time and space, while they still applied, seemed to me to be more of a polite afterthought than the actual meat and potatoes of the affair, and there was Fales' in the center ring pacing back and forth revealing the edges of creation. In that moment, there really wasn't a difference between the two, a professor or a preacher. Honestly, it all seems like the same kind of idea depending on how you want to spin it. Those boundaries and edges definitely fold back in on themselves ( to borrow from my section of Thompson, the bit about science and myth ). Then, with only the slightest bit of attachment, I found us talking about a completely different argument altogether, the cosmological bit. St. Thomas Aquinas was proposing the idea of a time when nothing existed as the basis for belief in a creator of some sort. One individual by the corner voiced his difficulty with fathoming the concept of nothing. Fales' managed to provoke a distant and dingy memory of that moment before by sharing a moment of his childhood. He has never had an appreciation for American sports; the air grew heavy again. He was typically picked last for baseball or whatever sport the other kids were playing; everything faded towards insignificance leaving him talking there at the podium. He was standing in the middle of a game one time, out in left field where he could do the least amount of damage to the other kids' game; his voice carried a piercing, dominant tonality. The concept of nothingness and the potential for it came to him; the winds stopped to pay reverence to the moment before them. Then, he spoke one question. And the ceiling tile's fixtures were rattled in their matrix-like grid, and the bricks began to melt to sand to collect in orderly piles on the ground for lack of the knowledge of what else to do. "Why is there something rather than nothing?" The sheer force of the moment passed seemingly unconsciously to me at least. The class concluded, and I went about my day eventually arriving outside for a late night smoke. It was then when those tiles started to fall and those walls started to give having noticed the serious lack of bricks in their foundation. The question echoed and remains unanswered.

Meme Theory

2008-08-09T14:26:00.001-05:00

I was going to send you a link to a new web comic, but that would just be spreading internet memes, contributing to the downfall and continued delusion of society. Unfortunately, this is a meme too, but it's a non meme...whilst still being a meme. Ouchie.

Growing Pains

2008-08-09T12:22:00.002-05:00

It's a tough day when you have to stand up and peek your head up out of the rabbit hole. I suppose, there is a bit of a necessity to it. At least, that's what all of modern society would like you to think. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I mean "checking" your premises against reality. For instance, I've lost some nights of sleep to peculiar experiences during meditation. Recently, it seems like something tried to jump off my meditation table and eat me. It was pretty much just large eyes and teeth. It looked a bit like...sorry, I got distracted searching for an image of the puffy, cotton-ball boss from Milon's Secret Castle. It's amazing how many people give hosted images a name that has nothing to do with the actual image. Anywho, these sorts of things force me to look in the mirror and ask myself...well, "What the fuck?" Am I completely crazy? Did I dream that whole thing up in a moment of imaginative creativity and then get scared of my own imagination? Was it real? Was it a sign showing me my ego is still very deeply rooted in my body? Was it any number of other questions... This would be the "checking" your premises against reality. Right now, it seems to me that it's just my imagination running away with me. However, last night I did play guitar with the entire contents of my room. For some reason, things in my room picked up the vibrations off my guitar and decided to play along. This computer was one of them. I'm leaning towards reality on that one. Meh, it'll sift out. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Good Vibrations

2008-07-23T11:56:00.003-05:00

Those lines that you hide behind have to go. You're not the the world's greatest, Version 9.0. You're chillin' in an office trying to design the devine rhyme, but who are you really writting this for? There is no self that is not other and no other that is not self, so where does that leave us? No where. No where but floating in a bowl of soup, which has grown cold from overuse of the word "GOD" and people who say they're lovers when they're really fighters. So how should we fish ourselves out? How should we start the coup? We have to start the never ending game of pin the tail on the leader, and after we've finished chasing ghosts we'll come back to One. We'll come back to the start that never started, which is the end that never ended. We'll hang out to watch the greatest show on Earth, and the theater will be silent without all the paranoid chit-chat about how you're cutting yourself without a knife. Then we'll be able to give real advice to those in need instead of tooting our own horn and putting words in their mouth. Truth will shine through like morning sun through the EXIT door piercing the senses and leaving nothing left but the bare facts void of those pesky duals and space/time dependent concepts, the empty holographic rafts we still cling to because we're afraid to float.

Mile Stoned

2008-07-10T02:30:00.002-05:00

There's an odd moment in every undergraduate's life, especially fourth years, when one must decide what to do "after" graduation ( Still not sure if this actually happens ). Graduate school obviously enters into the discussion, and the next inevitable question comes ( if educated via PhD comics ), "Do I want to be miserable?" An even more peculiar moment occurs, generally common for EE's and CS majors, when not only does it take time to contemplate the answer but the potential answer might be, Yes.

Surprise!

2008-07-08T10:22:00.000-05:00

This one caught me off guard. "A Day Alone" by Black Lab. And the light inside of all your favorite songs Turns the whole world on It's what we want and it shines Oh, it shines It's what I found in you I hope you feel it too 'Cause without you I'd be lost Give a little of what would make you free A day alone is wasted time for me Give a little of what you want to be A day alone is wasted time for me Give a little love and you might see A day alone is wasted time I'm waiting here for you You know what to do And the sight of your smile turns me inside out It just breaks me down I make no sound and I remember why I shouldn't trust my mind It's just a waste of time 'Cause without you I'd be lost Give a little of what would make you free A day alone is wasted time for me Give a little of what you want to be A day alone is wasted time for me Give a little love and you might see A day alone is wasted time I'm waiting here for you You know what to do

Mrhm...shit

2008-07-02T11:06:00.002-05:00

An example of my thought process as a random song, "Suburbia" by Matthew Good Band, plays off Pandora. Enjoy. You will come back within yourself -->This makes me think of meditating. Immediately, the speaker is related to God / Krishna / Buddha / etc.
you can be art when we melt --> In melting, things come together. So in the meditation, you're melting into one another ( self "vs." reality ), and at that point, a human becomes one with God which could be considered art...haha.
and i will know what you were for --> Well, at this point, I'm all melty with God. So the perspectives of this sentence are completely screwed up, but we're talking about inner-self knowledge. "I" will understand what "you" were for would be the equivalent of "You" will understand what "I" was for.
i say we're leaving --> Oh, where are we going?
there ain't nothing here at all --> True...this is mostly the physical realm, and while there are things here, they are mostly impermanent / transitory. Deeper: It's especially important that he said that there's not nothing here at all. There's not nothing; there's everything. There's God / Krishna / Buddha / etc.
another day, a week, the mall --> God: "Hey Fritze, you could spend another few days putzing around here on Earth if you like. I mean, you have 'free will' so do as you think is best."
and baby if I was in demand --> Hahaha...cute God. It's true, you could come back as Jesus / Buddha / Krishna / etc. again if you were in high demand, but it sounds like you're not really interested in that again.
you would be mind --> Wait...I would be mind? Is that like...I would have been...? Or, I would enter Krishna consciousness / nirvana...?

someday this place it going to burn --> Well, I suppose there is that end of the world Revelations thing that is talked about...
is your whole life in there waiting? --> Yes...sadly God, most of my whole life is inside of me waiting, but with posts like these, I hope to bring it out. I haven't managed to pass into the spirit world ( lucid dreaming ) yet, but it's coming along, I think. I'm remembering my dreams more at least.
someday your head is going to turn and you'll realize --> My head will turn meaning my mindset will change towards that of Krishna consciousness despite the fact that I thought I already was geared in that direction. Upon doing so, I will realize that...
i'm missing, do you realize? --> God is missing from this place...my Here and Now that is. I'm not keeping God in mind enough? Service? Sacrifice? Or...this is just the Age of Kali and things have gone to shit..?

you will come back --> Hmm...either you're telling me that I'll either pull a Jesus, or I'll experience recurrence, which seems like a safe bet since I haven't "freed my mind" yet.
convince yourself you can stay alive --> I can, in fact, stay alive through death...just like everyone else.
and wait for me --> Erm...wait? So...wait and putz out this life for your next coming. Perhaps, it'd probably be good if I didn't procrastinate like I have with most of my life and put off preparing in advance. It seems like out of all the tasks, this would be the one not to procrastinate for.
and i will know what this was for --> Perhaps more melty talk, but...Hrm. When someone realizes "what this was all for," that typically occurs at the end. This is implying some sort of "conclusion" whereas the melty talk at the beginning could be related to the "beginning." Here, I've got a beginning and an end, which is obviously a very cute pairing.
and I'll say we're leaving --> Once again, we're going somewhere...my money is on the kingdom that is already within...or Mars.
there ain't nothing here at all --> ( See above ). another month, a year that's all --> ( See above ). so you can tell them I'm coming --> Alright...I'll witness the best I can God, but realize that my witnessing is...well, fuck...you already know.
and hell's coming with me --> Erm...raising the stakes...nice.

someday this place is going to burn --> So I guess if You bring it up twice, You're pretty serious about that then.
is your whole life in the waiting --> God, I hope not. I hope it's not in waiting...Be Here Now.
someday their heads are going to turn and they'll realize --> I do hope so. I've been waiting! :)
you're missing --> OH! Wow...nice play there! Basically, you're saying that over time, perhaps in the next life, I'm going to reach that stage of enlightenment / nirvana where only a single thread of my ego remains. This is just enough to maintain a physical body. However, this is not enough to leave me as more than pretty much just a mirror of other individuals. A very clear, reflective mirror into which others can peer and see themselves. In this way, they can criticize me, and in fact, actually criticize themselves to advance in life / spirituality.
we are there --> And then we can all realize that we're Here Now. Beautiful.

Aha! Look at That!

2008-06-21T14:16:00.002-05:00

Therefore, without being attached to the fruits of activities, one should act as a matter of duty, for by working without attachment one attains the Supreme.

I read this, thought about sour cream and tomatoes, realized that I completely went a different direction than the author intended, laughed hysterically, and continued on.

Quotes

2008-06-14T13:49:00.003-05:00

Why say it again when YOU have already said it better?
"We are phenomena, but we pretend to be noumena." -- Wei Wu Wei, Fingers Pointing Towards the Moon

And so they sat

2008-05-27T22:58:00.001-05:00

Worship not your idols unless THE idol is yourSELF. Listen NOT to what any MAN says.

Beauty Queen

2008-04-03T15:00:00.002-05:00

All I have to say is...thanks ________. "Beauty Queen DARES Not to be Thin"

Laziness

2008-03-16T03:07:00.002-05:00

Woe is me! I am lazy. This does not mean that I have to be, though. I would like to sojourn within this laziness and overcome the chagrin of not being certain what part of speech sojourn is. I laugh hysterically that sojourn was the word of the day for Saturday and chagrin is the word of the day today; Since I'm writing this at 3:12AM, I find it difficult to determine which day it actually is. I laugh again because I learned how to use a semicolon because of this. "I laugh; This is my life." -- Fritze

Life?

2008-02-19T17:37:00.000-06:00

Nothing ends...and nothing stays the same. Curiousness. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Similarities

2008-02-15T10:05:00.002-06:00

Damn my brain for learning like it does. Yes, today, I am angry at my brain. I'm angry at our ability to abstract concepts and ideas from concrete things and apply them to other concrete things to create metaphors, similes, analogies, etc. Basically, I'm having an identity crisis. You read one article, track down a few concepts about destroying the ego or false self, and before you know it, your world is falling apart. You like it, but you really don't understand how anything used to work or how it is going to work in the future. Who am I? I'm stuck in Jackie Chan movie screaming from the mountain tops...at my self, oddly enough. "It's like pouring God into God." ( The Catcher in the Rye, which I still don't fully understand by the way ) I look at myself. I think about atoms, quantum mechanics, multiple perspectives. Where do I end, and where does the world begin? Depending on what level you're using, there are many different answers to that question. So far, none of this satisfies me. Nothing satisfies me. Like Ethan Nichtern stated, I'm a hungry ghost wondering through a lush tropical region of mangoes and other fruits seeing only desert, death, and emptiness. I must change my perspective such that I am not hungry and discontent. At this point in my life, I interpret that as..."You've made your own bed ( removing this false ego; or to Wei Wu Wei it, turning I into Not-I ). Now, you have to sleep in it ( realizing this perspective is okay...different, scary, confusing as hell, but okay nonetheless; turn Not-I back into I realizing there is only "I" which is God, Truth, etc. ). What I think is my brain hurts. What I believe is my body is tired. And that loose concept of time I still seem to have is telling me, I'm late for class. So goes the life of Not-Fritze The Great.

So It Is

2008-02-08T01:06:00.001-06:00

I could say fifty things only to have to retract fifty-one statements. I could speak of the seed inside of me, speak of how I can tell it's blooming, how I'm not watering it, how for awhile I didn't neglect it, but now I am. Yet, I have watered it, it has bloomed, it is living like it has...waiting. It waits. I run. It sits. I move. It exists. I don't. It speaks to me. It does not ask me to stop or listen to hear the sweetest Nothing that I could ever hear. There is no need. Off to solve the problems of the world when the biggest One is sitting here. i poke myself, i pull myself, i tug at myself like a child before Christmas saying, ~~I want to be like that~~ One. Like a parent, i gather the child and tell Him, You already are. These days do not happen often enough. i say, bring on the Not's so that i can find WE. i want to go somewhere where no body understands two. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Really?

2008-02-04T14:51:00.000-06:00

You have to read it to believe it. I've read it, and I think it's time to start sorting out this messy governmental bullshit. I'm not sure how to sort it all out. Perhaps, congressional hearings and all sorts of talks bound to be rendered meaningless by politics... U.S. Says No One Too Young for Guantanamo Court

Funness

2008-02-02T14:50:00.000-06:00

Where, oh, where did my sanity go? Oh, where, oh where could it be? I think I lost it an hour ago while I was tickling this tree...

Alright, enough of that nonsense. Okay, I don't REALLY think that I'm going insane. At least, I don't think that anymore. Some recent changes in perspectives and thought patterns have been rather shocking, but now that shock has gone for the most part. Now, it's time to learn the new "rules" to the game, how to exploit them to my advantage, and how to actually do things rather than freak out about them. I would say this is definitely uncharted territory for me, so I think I'll get lost for a while and try to find my way home. This method generally works the best for me when learning a new area. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Mind Numb

2008-01-25T14:31:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to check in and record some of this. Perhaps, this may seem like a weird tone for me to take out of my usual, but I kinda feel like I'm losing it. I have tried explaining it to a few of my friends, and most didn't really seem to pick up on what I was talking about. There were one or two who seemed to, or at least, responded like they understood. I think this was merely passing the Turing test though as later in the conversation it seemed like we weren't talking about quite the same thing. That's kind of right up there with my main point. It amazes me how we can actually communicate. For instance, I'm talking about one thing while they're talking about something different. Now, I'm not going to say that these things are completely different, but they certainly aren't exactly the same. There are some common terms and language between the two ideas depending on how you phrase and interpret things which leads to my typical confusion as of late. I realize that we're not talking about the same thing. I don't know what they're talking about, and I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or not. In the case of my Professors for example, he's talking about how a computer is structured and how things interact with each other. I'm thinking about how this applies to human beings and society. ...alright, I'm dancing around the point and not hitting the real issue. Yes, everyone is talking about different things than what I think they intend to be. It's kind of breaking down into an "everyone" and "me" duality though. This is rather frightening; I'm kind of trapped in a sense. It seems like I believe that I'm on to something rather big. Life or God is trying to teach me something. The interesting turn here is that everything else is God while I am not. Now, intellectually, I believe very different things. In the abstract, theoretically, the non-concrete, I see everything as interdependent without truly separate or independent components...yada yada yada. However, in the concrete practice of things, my thought patterns haven't shifted over yet. Provided, they ARE shifting NOW. They're going in a very peculiar direction. It's rather fascinating to me to be honest though. It's as though I have separated from myself enough to view all of this as happening to someone else in a way. At the same time, this view interchanges with "everyone" ( sometimes God ) and "me." Basically, I'm trapped in a wicked wicked world of dualities, and I want out before I lose my freaking mind. One of my professors was talking about the procedure a computer typically uses for processing information and tracing through the instruction set. He mentioned that basically the processor acts like a slave continuously coming back to the call stack for more instruction on what to do. This, in a very naturally feeling way, led me to think about servants or slaves coming to the Buddha or perhaps Jesus asking him for advice or instructions about how to live life. It wasn't a specific instruction set, 10 Commandments, Eightfold Path, any would do. However, this paralleled further with the idea of my body coming back to my ego asking for what to do next. Perhaps, this could parallel again with "me" going back to my unconditioned Buddha nature trying to find out which orders to do next. He fielded some sort of question from a student about what happens when there aren't any orders left, and I can't remember specifically what he said. The general idea I got out of it was that there will always be another instruction even if it's not the kind of instruction the programmer intends it to be. Memory is always initialized with something. This got me thinking about space-time, and how there is a here-now always. So...multiple points of space in time are all initialized to something such that at no time or place is there nothing. He kept talking about breaking through forms and structures, specific trains of thought, modes of thinking. None of this helped me come back to the "real world" of course, as this basically just spun me out to the far reaches of my spiritual imagination and cognition in attempts to just get a handle on something that was happening right in front of me. I find it funny that in that moment, that single moment of "happening right in front of me" my mind races off to the feeling of my fingers hitting the keys. I'm not sure if my point is even getting across. It's all well and good that I'm trying to communicate how I'm feeling, but I'm not sure that I'm really accomplishing it. Is it really possible? ( Have I really broken down into stream of consciousness, writing? Sad face... ) I'm communicating with something that is so dead it is nearly unbelievable that our species hasn't found a better way of doing things. This symbols, words, garbage can't possibly convey what I'm trying to get at. They can't express the panic that I'm feeling inside right now as I believe that in maybe a few months time, I won't even really be myself anymore. I mean, I'll be myself, but I won't be the self that I think I am. Whether that's good or not, it's hard to tell. I can't really tell if there will be another instruction after this one. I might turn into the one making the instructions, or my system might just halt altogether with a termination. This is really starting to hurt my head. I'm sure that it's also hurting Laptop as well. There's no reason that I shouldn't name the laptop that I use. I'm not sure if he likes the name, Laptop. It's kind of boring. I'm not sure if he's really a guy either. He seems like a guy though. Just the way that we interact and function together. It doesn't seem like the same gender as my car. She is definitely a woman. A very spirited interesting red-head for that matter. I've lost my train of thought. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Differences or Similarities

2008-01-14T02:09:00.000-06:00

I sat down with my roommates tonight to watch one of the Harry Potter movies. The whole thing actually started out as a duo watching some peculiar shark movie, you know, the good kind with the genetically engineered sharks to use as anti-terrorist agents. At any rate, the evening eventually continued and changed as most things do into few of us sitting back to the magical world of J.K. Rowling. Now, I wasn't a terribly huge fan, and I wouldn't say that I've jumped on board. However, I have found a better frame of reference to understand just what is so amazing about this series. One of my roommates made a comment involving The Lord of the Rings trilogy, which got me thinking. Some might find it blasphemous, but I sat back tonight appreciating the similarities between the two series of book / films. They really are quite similar, yet this similarity might be simplistic enough to be trivial. The two book / film series accomplish a reasonably similar task. They transport people into a realm of magic and wonder typically not frequented in our busy schedules. This, of course, is a rather large blanket statement, and naturally, it does not apply to all individuals. I do believe that there is an increasingly larger number of people that do not frequently entertain the mere idea of magic. I do find it interesting though that the current trend in movies seems to be running in that direction. Now, I'm basing this partly off of the movies I'm encountering via Mediacom's OnDemand service, so the magical bubble might have already popped. I don't really think that this is a bubble though; I'd rather think of it as a movement of sorts. It seems like many of the movies are trying to reconnect society with both the concept of magic and the seemingly childish belief in more than what meets the eye. I say seemingly childish because society, for one reason or another, has seemed to put a rather negative light on belief in magic and fantasy. It seems like we have all sorts of mental illnesses to explain away people who have imaginary, or perhaps not so imaginary, friends. Certainly, adults could not and cannot carry on such behavior. I mean seriously, think about it. If people ACTUALLY entertained the concept of magic, what would happen? If everyone believed in it, could something utterly surreal happen? Well, hopefully, we'll get to find out in the future, but I hold, standing firmly on faith, intuition, and some help from quantum mechanics, that things are not what they seem. The depth of this thing called "reality" goes quite a lot further than some would like to know. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Conspiracy Theory

2008-01-13T16:23:00.000-06:00

Yay! It's my favorite time in the world, Conspiracy Theory Time! I had some fun tossing these ideas around with some friends of mine. I think these theories are always fun because there aren't really any limitations to the craziness that you can come up with. In addition, the theories always link back onto themselves and try and explain just about everything that is going on in the world today. I'm always wary of them though; not sure how much to believe them. On the negative side, they are normally half-baked ideas of giant organizations plotting supreme power. However, to be fair, if I can come up with these ideas, it doesn't seem too much of a stretch to assume someone in power with the ability to carry this out can think of the same ideas. With no further delay, here is the bulk of the theory. Right now, the Middle East is located in one of the worst positions possible, right? The area is between some serious dominating countries like China, Russia, and most of Europe. Obviously, each country has a stake in this area since most of the world's oil is located there. We could easily say that the U.S. is interested in dominating this area for the purpose of utilizing the oil there. This is especially true with the current system of industry since oil is basically equivalent to power. Okay, no real wacko ideas yet, but here goes. I think it can be safely assumed that the lobbyists are interested in controlling these giant supplies of oil. So maybe some money is exchanging hands and some ears are being whispered in for the purpose of controlling this entire region via military means. This naturally benefits the military as well since they get to beef up their budget and "protect the American way of life." These oil fields won't last forever though. Alternative forms of fuel are necessary in order for civilization to continue to function in its present manner. Where does this alternative source of energy come from? Maybe water? Even if water isn't selected as the alternative source of energy, there still is the future dilemma of drinking water shortages. One could say that in the not so distant future, for drinking and perhaps energy, water will be the new valuable resource much like oil. The United States lucks out here since we have quite a large supply that replenishes on a fairly regular basis. Fast forward twenty to fifty years from now, the United States is sitting on one of the few large, regular supplies of fresh drinking water. It could stop there, but that wouldn't be as much fun. Let's ensure the the United States remains in a position of power. Let's make sure that every American utilizes as much oil as possible hastening the decline of the Middle Easts essential nature. Also, let's shove all of our waste pollutants up into the atmosphere in attempts to manipulate the environment. Creating more extreme conditions, parts of the U.S. will be blessed with even more rain fall while large foreign territories will be left barren and dry. Could this possibly happen? Maybe, maybe with just the right figurehead in place. A little puppet for the real power of the United States to manipulate and pull in whichever direction best benefits the country. What's wrong with this? Well, this is the basis of our economical system. If everyone puts their own best interests first, the best possible outcome occurs, right? I suppose if you've seen "A Beautiful Mind," you'll realize this isn't true. One of the most simplistic examples is shown by Nash's little monologue in the bar concerning the multiple women who enter the bar. Sometimes, the optimum outcome results from putting other's needs first. Haha...well, that was fun. Onto other things. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

50 Pills

2008-01-04T13:37:00.000-06:00

I was sitting at home yesterday watching a movie with my buddy, Kenny. We were basically burning time until the caucus was going to start. I ran across a movie written by Matthew Perniciaro entitled, 50 Pills. The short description provided by the cable box stated that it was about a college student trying to make his tuition payment by selling ecstasy. The movie started, and we met this mild college kid who was moving into his new dorm room. We soon met his roommate who wore a black button-up, some designer jeans, and a large watch with black-leather wrist band. He sported a somewhat stylish short cut, and his facial features suggested a decisive man who knows what he wants. This notable individual sat down with our mild mannered hero and related the following information about being "the man." In his opinion, being the man is simply a function of believing you are the man and acting like you are the man. Naturally, our mild mannered college student eats this up and finds his new personal hero. I don't really want to reveal interesting plot twists and the ending of the film even though it was through these events that I sort of pieced together something about myself. I do, however, want to spill the beans on what I discovered. It seems that I have never really been without a friend who oozes self-confidence and determination. Oddly enough, it wasn't until this film that I recognized this pattern and had a period of brutal honesty with myself. Hopefully, you can see where I'm going with this. I found quite a few parallels between myself and the characters in the movie. For the purpose of explanation rather than boasting, I have heard from a few people, frequently my parents and brother, that I am "wise beyond my years." Unfortunately, I very well have probably let this go to my head. In addition, I have put less effort in building upon this base than I should have. The result of all this babble being that, as cliche as it may sound, I need to find myself? I haven't yet created a firm bond with my inner being letting quite a bit of the outer world define my decisions and guide me in paths that I initially did not understand. Later, I learned to appreciate these outcomes for what they really were. I know that I have all the necessary components within myself. It's just time to really till that soil and water the garden in order that I might flower and bear fruit.

Winter Daze

2007-11-03T11:50:00.000-05:00

   They laid in bed together cuddling for warmth against the fierce biting winds outside. This early November morning reminded him why he loved the spring so much. He'd be the first to admit that winter does have it's charm. The snowmen and rosy-cheeked children tromping around in the first snowfall always brought a smile to his face. He especially enjoyed sitting out on the front swing with her and talking about the future as they sipped on a warm mug of hot chocolate. But now, he was in a warm pocket of coziness underneath the quilt that her mother made for them. It was supposed to be a wedding present, but in her anxiousness to smooth out the wrinkles of the wedding process, her mother found little time to actually complete the quilt. The quilt was really nice though especially now.    She rolled over on top of him and projected down a cute, slight grin. "It's 7 o'clock on a Saturday morning." She anxiously started wiggling her hips back and forth as she looked at him much like a two year old waiting for her favorite breakfast.    He laughed back at her and wrestled her to the bed. "Alright," he said, "what do you have?"
   "Not much. I have to run some errands today. You know, domestic stuff."
   "Haha. Ah yes..." He spoke in mockingly reminiscent tone. "Gone are wild days that I remember of Harley rides across the States. Here are the days of laundry, dishes, and cleaning. You've become completely domesticated." A toothy grin crept across his face, and he prepared for the coming reaction. "I've completely broken you in."
   With that, her expression went from initial shock to play anger as she wrestled him around twisting the quilt into one large contorted mess of bodies and fabric. "I've still got my wild streak. Don't you forget it." She spoke in that arrogant tone of hers. It wasn't exactly arrogant so much as self-confident with a strong undertone of childish cuteness.
   "Right, right. How could I possibly forget? Okay, well, you've got your errands, and I've got some work related stuff I have to clear up at the office. Are we still meeting with the Roughkins tonight at eight?"
   "Yeah, they said they wanted to go some place nice."
   "Alright, I'll find something. You up for some eggs and sausage?"
   She smiled brighter than he could remember and threw the covers to the floor. As they both started crawling out of bed to make their way towards the kitchen, she playfully pushed him back into bed. She giggled hysterically as she ran away down the hallway.    This was how their days went. Playfully loving, they'd trace through the duties of the day crossing things off as they got completed. She always managed to find his list and write "lunch" because she knew he'd forget otherwise. Eventually, the lists would be completed as they crept home from busy days, fun days and whatever else life had in store for them. His favorite days were when he'd compare lists with her and brag about how much he did that day. "What is this? You couldn't finish? Look at what I got done today. My list is twice as long as yours!"    "You have 'bathroom' on here six times! And 'sharpen pencil'..this is bullshit...."

Treatsie

2007-11-01T16:56:00.000-05:00

I love the seasons. I suppose, it came to me when I was sitting outside the other day working on a program. I was getting no where fast, but that was honestly besides the point. The real point of the whole thing was to frustrate me to wits end so that I would sit outside and ponder this exact thing. It seems, that as of late, my life has flown on a more self-destructive course than usual. Mostly, it's not that bad. I'm just bitching because I'm worried like mad about how this whole school thing is going. At any rate, it came to be while I was sitting on that doorstep. One of my acquaintances explained that he loved fall since it was the time of the fall, quite literally. All of the old, nasty, useless things fall away. Then, a nice time of dormancy and death follows with winter. Finally, things are reborn in the Spring. This makes sense to me now since it seems like I'm watching my life slowly crumble and die. On the bright side of things, I will be a stronger more resilient version of myself coming out of all this. Yippie... In the mean time however, watch out. I'm really sad that I've been so cranky lately. Hopefully, I'll figure out a way to fix this problem. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Cease Fire

2007-10-29T14:15:00.000-05:00

The bullets are flying, and people close to me are taking the hits. I suppose I'm taking hits too, but obviously, that is of concern only in so far that others might have to apply a bandage or worse yet, shoulder some of the burden as I wasn't strong enough to take the hit gracefully. I run rampantly throughout the battlefield; plans have never really been my style. Perhaps it's fool-hearty. Companions get lost along the way. It just seems that body armor limits mobility, and I believe I should be able to take the blow head on anyways. Again, perhaps fool-hearty, but I know myself pretty well. Scratches and paper-cuts pale in motivational ability to the spectacular power of a swift, hearty kick to the nuts. Gotta learn to keep my head up though. Can't let those blows tear me from central center ( Yes, as opposed to non-central center ). Mutilating the fringe certainly compels forward motion; naked and cold, I search for new ideals to wear. Take two pairs of brown pants, but leave the clunky, dogmatic views of confined thinking and limited perspective. Wander still soldier boy, hoping to grow into a man. Not a Rambo though, not a Rambo though. A wise man...A wise man who realizes that this is not a battlefield. These are not bullets that kill or blows that pierce home. It is a pond, rippling in the wind. The surface varies as the depths laugh and remain still. So goes the life of Fritze the Great...shit, I'm late for class ( ripple ripple ).

2007-09-29T12:42:00.000-05:00

THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE. This is a lovely little snippet that I dug up from the Apple Terms of Service Contract which appears when you update and install a new version of iTunes.

"I Hate It Here" on Sky Blue Sky by Wilco

2007-09-25T18:53:00.001-05:00

I try to stay busy I do the dishes, I mow the lawn I try to keep myself occupied Even though I know you’re not coming home I try to keep the house nice and neat I make my bed I change the sheets I even learned how to use the washing machine But keeping things clean doesn’t change anything What am I gonna do when I run out of shirts to fold? What am I gonna do when I run out of lawn to mow? What am I gonna do if you never come home? Tell me, what am I gonna do? I hate it I hate it here When you’re gone I caught myself thinking I caught myself thinking once again Have to try to keep my mind out of this Try not to pretend I’ll check the phone I’ll check the mail I’ll check the phone again and I call your mom She says you’re not there and I should take care I hate it here When you’re gone I hate it I hate it here When you’re gone I try to stay busy I take out the trash, I sweep the floor Try to keep myself occupied Cause I know you don’t live here anymore

Seven-year itch?

2007-09-21T11:52:00.000-05:00

German politician calls for seven-year marriages
So here's an interesting idea that has been posed by a German politician. Term marriages honestly seem like the greatest idea since sliced bread. I wish I was surprised that we don't have them yet, but with the religious standing like it is and the somewhat conservative nature surrounding this topic, term marriages will probably come into full swing after pot gets legalized ( like...never ). At any rate, I like the idea itself because it keeps things not only interesting, but realistic. It seems that for some reason people get a little too comfortable in permanent marriages. Things are taken for granted, and after about twenty-five years, people start to wonder why they're even in the thing to begin with. Well, with a seven year marriage period, you'd know why you're still in this marriage that you might not like so much. For some reason, less than seven years ago, you had some good reason to stay in it. Perhaps, you can find it again. I also think that given the nature of the relationship, it's less likely that after the increasingly likely divorce, the financially dependent partner will be less out in the cold / out in the streets. I figure, since the marriage can end on regular intervals, perhaps it will be more likely that the dependent partner will plan more for potential sudden independent status. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

Back to Life

2007-09-10T16:47:00.000-05:00

Hello again! Life has been incredibly busy up until now. Things were getting pretty ugly there for a bit, but now, I hope, things will quiet down and return to some sort of manageable, steady-state. Basically, I was working at a sandwich place doing deliveries. This typically wouldn't be a problem. Everyone needs a job during the school year, right? Well, the problem came up with the scheduling oddly enough. My shifts started a half hour after I got out of class and lasted until midnight. This doesn't really leave much time for homework or anything especially when you're scheduled for thirty-five hours a week. Needless to say, I got the hell out of dodge. I'm now doing a very comfortable TA position which will be tremendously easier than what I was dealing with before. Now, all I have to do is grade some papers, run some labs, and help out during class times. Things should be pretty good after I get caught up with the past two weeks that I've been a zombie. Holy water? Esuna? Anyone? So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

So It Begins

2007-08-15T00:50:00.000-05:00

So...here we go. Are they even trying anymore? Anyone want to bet that we go to war with Iran within the next six years. Yeah, I'm saying going to war regardless of who gets "elected." FUN TIMES HERE!!

Horizons

2007-08-05T07:19:00.000-05:00

Horizons are a funny thing. Limits to sight not imposed by yourself which you walk towards or perhaps run. Despite the fact that the horizons run away just as quickly as you run towards them, we run still anyway, yes? Fun fun.

Self-Discipline

2007-08-02T13:03:00.000-05:00

Self discipline is a wonderful thing. For those who have it, I'm sure you already know. For those that don't have it, like myself, I'm sure you long for it just as much as I do. I sit back and think about how different it would all be if I had this quality. Naturally, I stray from the advice that one of my more eccentric professors gave me, which was something like don't fantasize about what it would be like in another state; think about how to get out of the current state. It was in reference to a three-state transistor, but it still applies to the rest of life as well, in my opinion. Perhaps, ironically through self discipline, I'll learn to make self discipline more of a habit like thing. Maybe the steps get easier as your brain beats itself into submission. So goes the untamed life of Fritze the Great.

Female Singers

2007-07-25T04:03:00.000-05:00

So...Gwen Stefani is pretty amazing. Check out "Four in the Morning." The music video is especially good. It's strange to look back at some of her previous older videos and compare them to her look now, specifically in this video. Pretty crazy. Gonna be bigger than Madonna? Not sure. Think she's got a good record going thus far.

Pretty Close

2007-07-11T13:10:00.001-05:00

All around me are familiar faces Worn out places, worn out faces Bright and early for their daily races Going nowhere, going nowhere Their tears are filling up their glasses No expression, no expression Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow No tomorrow, no tomorrow And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very Mad World Mad world Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday And I feel the way that every child should Sit and listen, sit and listen Went to school and I was very nervous No one knew me, no one knew me Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson Look right through me, look right through me And I find it kind of funny I find it kind of sad The dreams in which I'm dying Are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very, very Mad World Mad World Enlarging your world Mad World. [Mad World lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Stagnant

2007-07-11T00:43:00.000-05:00

It's time to get moving. Sitting still has made me cloudy. Let's get going.

Woah Self...Easy Now

2007-07-05T01:33:00.001-05:00

It seems at times that it is so difficult to get everything together. I feel like I'm walking through life balancing a stack of objects in my hands like a bus boy. The objects themselves vary in value, form, and weight. This falls. That jumps on board. It all intermixes and changes. Typically, it isn't difficult to manage and sustain this seemingly swirl of experiences, but sometimes, there are moments when it all kind of hits you at once. Okay, so it was not actually all at once, but it was a constant enough barrage of various perplexities to keep me speechless. Learning to let go will be one of my harder lessons to learn, but I also have to learn when grab hold. Bah, words just entangle me. It's like I'm trying to...heh, explain.

Time for Seriousness

2007-06-29T02:53:00.000-05:00

It is time for me to open up the gates and reveal a few secrets of my life. This one is especially significant for me because it shows one of my deepest weaknesses and flaws. For the past sixth months, perhaps, my meditations in my house at night have been constantly disrupted. Some sort of presence makes its appearance behind me while I am meditating, and it honestly scares the shit out of me. Generally, I'm left in quite an upset and panicy state. Sleep becomes more difficult knowing that there is something lurking about in some foreign spiritual realm. I have come to realize how much I desperately cling to this existence and life as I know it. Making advances in spirituality are always countered by new and foreign fears. The concepts of uncertainties I had never even remotely contemplated blossom before me revealing all of their pointy thorns. These hurdles have long gone unbounded and challenged, and I think this is one of my largest set backs in my spiritual life. I read a blog post Cynthia Stone made while searching about on the internet with anything relating to Mara, a spirit/deamon of sorts that bothers and meddles in human affairs, as I understand it. She outlines some of her experiences, and I suppose the point that sunk home with me is that I am approaching this situation all wrong. Instead of fighting and resisting this dilemma, I should be embracing it. Conscious thought and examination will reveal this problem for what I believe it really is, fear of death and pain among other negative things like this. Perhaps, I'm playing with fire, and perhaps, I'm about to get burned in a very bad way. I suppose, I'll let the chips fall as they may. Time to own up to my beliefs and see where they get me...hahaha...hopefully not dead though. That would kind of suck. So goes the shaky life of Fritze the Great.

Baptism

2007-06-24T16:27:00.000-05:00

I am God's washcloth. Dipped in Coors Light and peppered with cigarette ash, I was used, but I am a washcloth. Awaking this morning, I entered the stages of being wrung and hung to dry, allowing solvent to escape leaving concentrated residue invisible to the mind and memory but slick and oily to the touch. It covers my body and envelops my pores. A new and improved, fast-acting security alarm to rattle the brain waking up the senses to...now.

Yeah...

2007-06-22T03:53:00.000-05:00

So...I miss her... INSERT-12:06PM-- And then I have a dream like that...I think I'm one of the only people in the world who would actually feel guilty and berate myself for what I do in dreams.

And So...

2007-06-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

As he casually looks up to the sky, his lips part as he speaks in a soft, collected voice. "I want out of..." He spreads his arms from horizon to horizon. "..this."

Bitch Work

2007-06-15T23:38:00.001-05:00

Hello ladies and gentlemen. I would like to discuss with you all the details of rather simple physics and just plain ol' common sense. Let us review the basics here. Water -> A substance found in most forms of life, falls to the ground as rain, evaporates, forms clouds, lots of it weighs a bitchin' ton. Ashes / Carbon particles -> Found from any number of sources typically involving fire, but specifically found in the bottom of a hammer pit at a local forge. Perhaps, you can see where I'm going with this. The explanation goes something like, hammer crews have two options. They can either power wash the hammer pits, or they can shovel out the hammer pits. While, in theory, these things can be done in either order, with a little bit of thought, it becomes rather clear that one should definitely be done before the other. Unfortunately, these individuals are quite lazy, and to my great unluck, they decided that they would simply power wash the pit. Later, I was recruited by maintenance to shovel out the hammer pits. Needless to say, water + ashes/carbon particles made my job one of the most heavy labor, crappy things I have really ever done. I'd rather shovel the entire Indianapolis 500 speedway after a blizzard than jump down into this stinkin' pit and shovel sludge into a little barrel which is then lifted by a tow-motor truck. However, I suppose there is a happy ending to this story since I like happy endings so much. In theory, I did "three hours of work" ( 1.5 - 2 hours ) at a pay rate of $20+ an hour. So...I suppose it kind of works out. At least, I'll be able to pay my medical bill of my poor abused lower back. So goes the exciting life of Fritze the Great.

Another Day

2007-05-17T01:40:00.000-05:00

I tend to try and stray from posts like these generally striving to make my entries more insightful rather than your typical daily recap. However, I think that there is some merit to be had in this particular post. Today was definitely a lull in my summer plans, which naturally will happen from time to time. Noting this, I believe, is important though to keep perspective on my goals for this summer. I actually woke up at about eight or so, yet I didn't rouse from my bed until noonish. Little if any progress was made on unpacking, and I definitely skimped altogether on my workout regimen. I hung out with Molly for a little bit and returned home to Lost, a little booze, and a lot of useless, unproductive activity. I suppose ultimately, it is important to try and maintain a balance between work and play, so to speak. Today feels like it should go down in the books as a black mark though. It is interesting to note, I think, that by body agrees with my outlook on things. I'm not sure if there is a causal relationship and if so, whether the mind is affecting the body or the body is merely agreeing with the mind, a subtle difference but an important one. I think for now, I will retire and wake up relatively early for running probably suffering from due karma if you could call it that. I doubt that my body will be very happy with facing a run "tomorrow" ( today... ) after a previous day of...well, little if anything really. I think it is a day spent like this that puts things in perspective, if noted. Hopefully, I'll get back on track and especially get that important phone call from the forge. Such is the life of Fritze the Great.

Final Countdown

2007-05-07T23:35:00.000-05:00

Here we are, sitting in the depths of our little study holes scrambling about madly trying to cram an entire semester's worth of learning into a few days of the week. Naturally, it's quite a party except for the obvious, everyone is so high strung that verbal abuse is almost a given. In the next few days, I will once again find myself in the warm nether regions of the numb. It's a great spot to be really. Before finals, I dash about trying to study and do whatever needs to be done. Then, when finals arrive, I realize that as much as it seems to matter, it doesn't really. I did as much as I cared to do. I'll get what I deserve. If need be, there is always a career as a garbageman. Nothing is really all that big, and nothing is certainly important enough to get worked up over like some of these people are. Perhaps, this is some bullshit excuse, but instead of seeing it as throwing away my future, I like to look at it as riding the waves of fate and holding on for a dear ride. That doesn't mean that I'm going to sit back...I've got to paddles, and I'm steering with all of my might. I just realize that if there's a waterfall in front of me, I'm going to go down it. That's all that you can really do. Hold on tight; smile for the cameras. Don't worry about the cameras though. They don't care about you. So...while you're running about trying to get everything tackled for finals, take a moment to remove your shoes and socks, sink your feet into the grass, and say a little hello to your life. This is it...for now. Might as well drink it in. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

CIE Quotes

2007-04-20T08:51:00.000-05:00

"If we can't use the constructor, we're totally hosed in object oriented programing."

--Gary Christensen

"I'm running out of screen real-estate..."

--Gary Christensen

Weather

2007-04-16T08:31:00.000-05:00

So, I was looking at the weather report, and it says that the temperature outside is currently around 34F. I find this interesting and noteworthy because the low is 44F. So...when does the low actually take affect? Curiousness. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

So About that Life Thing...

2007-04-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

I'd say at this point, I'm coming down off a moment of ridiculous clarity that left me in quite a confused state to be honest. In that moment which rose before my eyes and passed just as quickly, it almost seemed as if I was on to something big. It was as if a torrent of pressures, flaws, guilts, and anxieties passed off of my shoulders and out into the wild blue frontiers. I was home in the deeply self-oriented, inner peace sense. I don't think I am able to fully describe what was going on through my head, much like all those times I've smoked and seen patterns in the ridiculous and absurd. To my dismay, after that moment concluded, I was much in the mood for line and verse, yet it seems in striving to get it all down, it ran away from me like a frightened woodland creature. So, I figure, it is the sort of thing that you go in and out off at an increasing frequency until you reach an equilibrium of sorts standing in and out of things. I think that will be might pleasant when it comes my way. In attempts to try and give insight into just what the heck I'm talking about, I was standing outside my dorm building practicing bad habits of smoking Camels. As I sat there pondering what had transpired in the day up to that point, I closely related myself to a puddle of water rippling in a chaotic and mostly random fashion as the barrage of the everyday skipped across my surface. As I took another drag, I found a stronger but subtler wave floating underneath the surface of my pathetic pond. I won't say that it was my breath exactly, but I think it appropriate to say that the breath was a symbol of this underlying current. My mind then turned to the other things occurring in my life spawning wind to enter into my already growing visualization of existence. Oh, but what is the source of the wind? Pondering harder, I came to a sort of wacky, freakshow conclusion which is, in all likelihood, the cornerstone of my spirituality. I saw the material goods, the matter, the stuff of the world paralleled with Mother Nature, the Goddess. The stuff has spirit, sir and madam. The question in my mind is...are all of these components individual spirits similar to people? The way I see it is that mankind is much similar to the cells of our own bodies. While each of us leads our own life and performs our daily creation of ATP, from a less personalized perspective, we work together in a very much larger organism. The benefits and harms to this larger organism also trickle down to the individuals. I think we could easily compile the sentient beings of the universe and arrive at Consciousness ( the God aspect, Yang perhaps ). Not personalized consciousness, but the big stuff...the universal Consciousness. Similarly to the God aspect, sum all of the other stuff...like the Earth, the bodies of these sentient beings, the flowers, the rocks, etc...there, I believe, lies the Yin aspect, the Goddess aspect. Full of spiritual energy and love, the Goddess lovingly provides for the Consciousness. While she does not expect anything in return much like a mother doesn't really expect anything back from her young ones, the Consciousness returns this kind gesture in a similar but alternate fashion. Thus, a loving parental type relationship exists. Yay for balance! After mulling that over for a little bit, I thought about the proverbial beginning and all of that nonsense to run face to face into a chicken and egg problem, in a sense. I happen to be a pretty firm believer in the concept of Emptiness, but I interpret it more in the quantum sense. Stuff takes form when you look at it, but it's mostly space instead of stuff. In addition, the stuff changes over time, never constant. So...stuff would be representative of the Goddess, and the Observer would stand for the God aspect. Hrm...so how did that whole interplay start? Maybe...did that interplay end to cause another start? I suppose there ultimately does not have to be a start. There never needs to be a start, but if there was a start...I think it would go something like this. I envision a very large space, much like a mother's womb if you will. Then, all of the stuff, out of love, birthed a Consciousness to provide for, love, and take care of in hopes that in some amount of time, a partner and equal could return the favor. So, the little Consciousness grew and took what the space/stuff had to offer only, in the end, to return love and eventually its stuff, back to the womb / Goddess. Hmm...cute story, yes? Well, I'd like to think that stuff is slowly clicking into place, but obviously, the road is long and winding. Oh, and the journey is ridiculously fun too, so have fun and check it. So goes the life of Fritze the Great.

The Plot Thickens

2007-03-15T13:12:00.000-05:00

You know, I was going to post all of these news articles with perhaps a few pithy comments thrown in here and there. Instead, I've just decided to post this. Bush is crazy, and everyone serves him "at his pleasure." Is it over yet? So goes the life of Fritze the Great.